Thoughts Settling

It has been five days since Gary told me excitedly that he was going to get to live with his dad.

I have written at least twice as many blog posts as I have published. In fact, I had to look over to see what I had published so that I wouldn't repeat myself too much. I've sorted through stuff and this is what I suspect and think:

1. I suspect that the break-down of Gary's dad's marriage is related to the anxiety he has over Gary going into foster care. My only evidence for that is the timing. I do not know their story. I do not even know them. I wonder what will happen if Gary's anxiety regarding foster care is diminished. Certainly he no longer needs to worry (if he ever did) that Gary is going into one of those horrible places one reads about in memoirs in which children are abused, starved, and generally treated like dirt.

2. And that leads me to what I think. I think that his promises are so big as to be worthy of a degree of doubt. It is not the bad parent thing, it is just the human thing. In movies and in our imaginations we see ourselves changing our entire lives to benefit our children. In real life, we change slowly, incrementally. What Gary's dad currently plans on doing: moving hundreds of miles away from his young children and leaving a very good job he has spent years making into what it is to get "any job, even fast food" is ... well, big. I don't know what he will do, but I think that it is important for Gary to be as prepared as we can gently make him for the possibility that this will not happen.

3. I believe that if Gary's dad does follow through on this plan, he will get Gary back. I don't know how long it will take, but the ultimate result is clear. If he does what he says he will, he will get Gary. And he should get him. He is his dad.

So it is going to be an emotional rollercoaster, and I need to take deep breaths and get ready for the ride.

I'm going to pick Gary up this afternoon for one more weekend pass. He goes back on Sunday and I will bring him home on Wednesday.