Thursday, September 16, 2010

Shared with Permission

Andrew, Gary, Evan, Brian, Carl, David

I may take this down later, but the boys said I could share it with you.

Still too wore out to write an actual post, but I will.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I'm calm, really

Because the tweets of my day will not last forever, here is the summary.

For a couple hours this morning my life was over-taken with calls from the social worker, and text messages to and from David and Evan. It would have been a little simpler if all this had happened when I was not in class. Fortunately my students were very indulgent. I told them what was going on. It all, amazingly came together.

Carl will be getting in to the airport here this evening. David will pick him up and spend they both will spend the night. Evan is coming in the morning.

I emailed my classes tomorrow to tell them class was cancelled.

Andrew and I went to Costco and bought lots of food.

The dog groomer called to remind me of an appointment tomorrow, I rescheduled.

My new glasses came in, so I ran by the optometrist.

Gary was upset because Brian was supposed to take a form to school so that he (Gary) could go to a dance this weekend. When I told him that Brian wasn't going to school he said, "All day? Isn't the adoption just in the morning?" Roland managed to scan the document and email it to the girlfriend so she can turn it in. Fortunately THAT crisis was averted.

It is so strange. For months we have been just waiting, wondering. We went rather suddenly from "some time in the future" to TOMORROW!


The state social worker just called. Helen, Gary's sister, is going to be there too. I'm very pleased. I was planning on inviting her, but wasn't sure it would work out with such little notice.

TOMORROW, maybe, probably, DEFINITELY


We are on! Still waiting for find out what plane Carl will be on, but we're doing this.

We can do the adoption tomorrow first thing (I think a judge agreed to start his/her day half an hour early) if I can just get Carl here.

I've leaving him messages like crazy, sent him an email.

If I can't, we might just go ahead and do the three boys who are here and do Carl when we can.

Or not. We are all hoping we don't have to make the decision yet.

Just so you know...

I got a call last night from the number two person at the agency yesterday. She had been talking with the lawyer about everything. She agreed that it was terrible that the state has had all this time and now the boys are beginning to move away and will have to be flown back. So, this morning the lawyer is going to call the judge's clerk and see if we can maybe, pretty please, have a date THIS WEEK.

That would mean calling Carl and asking him if he can get a ride to the airport FAST. It would mean that Evan, David, Roland and I would not be able to give our workplaces any real notice that we were taking the day off. It might even mean that some of them would only be able to take part of the day off. But it would happen while most of the boys are in town.

Next week is impossible because all the judges are going to judges' retreat or something. The week after that is possible from our end, and at least we would only have to fly in one more boy.

The chances that the lawyer can pull this off is less than 50%, but it might happen.

Oh, and on the other side, the home study and every are all done, but the person who has to sign giving the final approval hasn't done it. So the department hasn't sent the documents over, so the lawyer will basically be asking the judge to approve the adoption of an almost-18-year-old without all the paper work being filed. If they can pull it out of the hat, we will do it. On the other hand, it would in some ways be better if it happened in a few weeks. Everyone could ask for the time off.

In any case, I promised the social worker that I would carry my cell phone with me to class and excuse myself to answer it if she calls.

I just wanted you to know so you could bite your fingernails along with me.

The news will go out as a Tweet first.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Waiting and Waiting...

I am getting so very, very frustrated as we wait for a court date.

Andrew goes back to college in 9 days, and David moves across the country in 3 weeks. We need to arrange transportation for Carl in any case. Evan, Roland and I all need to make arrangements to miss work.

Today I wrote the the social worker and asked if I would at least have 2 weeks warning before the date. I begin to worry that they will say, "Heh! We can do it tomorrow!" Given that 3 tickets will need to be bought, that won't work. It would be one thing if everyone lived here or if it was possible to adopt adults without them being present. Of course I WANT everyone to be there, but not being there just isn't an option. (Well, except for Andrew, and I am insisting that he be there).

Anyway, this morning the agency worker said she would talk to the agency director and see if he can get shake some trees for us.

The stress around here is getting thicker and thicker...

Sunday, September 05, 2010

Turning in the license

I found out the other day that even if we are not licensed Helen, Gary's sister, could still visit because she would be visiting a relative. Since the main reason we were thinking about keeping it was so that we could develop a relationship with her, I am once again thinking about turning it in.

First though, Helen. Helen is in a good family near the high school that has a special program she is in and, of course, her friends. Moving her here would be disruptive in many ways. I still want her to get to know us because I don't know what our relationship is, but being my son's sister seems pretty important. In some way or another we will be extended family (at least) and I need her to feel comfortable coming here.

So as long as I thought we needed to have a license for that to be possible, I thought we needed to keep it.

But now we don't, so I am thinking about not keeping it.

The possibility of being really done with this part of our lives makes me feel anxious, happy, sad, worried. Of course, everything makes me feel worried. I'm a worrier.

On one hand a part of me really feels finished. Not finished in the sense of finished being a parent, but in knowing the family is finished. Like having the last baby and knowing it is the last. There are years of parenting ahead of you, but there will be no more new ones. That excitement and joy that comes with a new member of the family is over.

It feels like the right decision.

And yet taking the step, making it final, is frightening. What if I change my mind? What if there is a kid out there who really needs us?

Although thinking about finding out that there is another kid out there who really needs us bring with it a sense of exhaustion more than excitement. Still, I know that would change if there were such a kid. I would meet him or her and be so very glad that I still had the license, that I could still make the space.

Of course, we don't really have the space for at least another year, and if there was a kid that they really, really could not find another good home for, they might call us anyway.

At lunch yesterday Gary's social worker (the agency one) said something about feeling so bad for the GLBT kids who have to live with families who don't support them. It made me imagine that there are specific kids she knows about who need homes, kids that are safe, because of course most homes now are tolerant, but not kids who are celebrated and nurtured. And I felt guilty that we were walking away from those kids. I'm not too tired or too old or too busy.

I just feel like my family is complete. Six is enough.


Okay, so when the state worker was here last she said that the there were two likely court dates. Those dates are now two and three weeks away. She said that some time ago, and hasn't been able to get more information since. I am feeling very frustrated.

If it is the first date, then we have to fly Carl out, as we planned to from the beginning, except we can no longer get a really cheap ticket.

If it is the second date, Andrew will miss the first few days fall quarter. (And we all do remember that this is Gary's birthday, right? The day he turns 18 and all the things we did for the juvenile adoption become unnecessary.)

If it is one week later than that, we will have to buy Andrew and Carl plane tickets.

If it is later than THAT there is an excellent chance we will also need to buy a ticket for David who is planning on moving far, far away with his boyfriend.

There are also trivial things like the fact that I am writing my syllabus and I would like to know now what days I will be cancelling class.

In other fun news, Gary, who is learning to drive, backed up into someone's yard when he thought he was in drive and was actually in reverse. He then of course had to drive back off.

We don't know if the right front axle was bent on the way up or the way down.