Ann's Story Part 24: Fighting over Nothing

2/23/02 To my friend:

Saturday
We had a difficult morning with Ann. I cannot now remember the series of events quite. I know that Ann really, really did not want to do her chores. Roland and I each got angry at different points. Roland and Ann escalated. Roland tried to tell her that what she had said to him hurt his feelings. She just yelled back that she did not care. I got angry, really angry, that she was talking to him that way and I started to escalate too. I ended up telling her that she lost TV for the day for talking to him that way. She said that she was going to baracade her door shut and I told her that if she did I would take it off the hinges. I tried walking away, but “Hubby” did not follow me and they just kept going.

He was not yelling, he just really wanted to have her recognize his emotions. I was torn between being frustrated at him -- it was so clear that Ann was NOT going to respond the way he needed her too -- and fury at Ann for acting the way she was. I finally went back to Ann's bedroom door, stepped in front of Roland and told Ann that if she finished her chores and was ready by 11:45 I would take her to her community service appointment. "If not, you can stay here and deal with your parole officer." I shut the door. Ann was ready at 11:40. She announced loudly that she was ready to go and stormed out to the car. I sat down and read until 11:45.

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Sunday (afternoon)
Roland and I talked about what happened with Ann. It turns out that both of us feel that we can handle Ann, but that we both got upset yesterday at the way that she was talking to the other. If we can keep from rushing to defend each other we will be all right.

Part 25