Ann's Story Part 18: Homework Battles

Jan. 29, 2003
To the social worker:

The tutor sent home a report and nothing is surprising. Ann is actively resistant to doing work. Additionally she occasionally does not turn in work that she has completed. She seems determined to sabotage herself.

I spoke with Ann about getting her teachers to initial her agenda indicating that she has turned in her work. We spoke again about her needed to get C's in order to get a rabbit and she cried that she could not bring her grades up that quickly...that she had tried before and failed. Now obviously she has not been trying; trying would entail doing the work and turning it in. I did not say that however. Roland and I went into executive session and decided that it would be better if Ann felt that things were under her control. We decided to tell her that if she got 90% of the possible initials that would count as responsible behavior. We will tell her teachers to initial the planner if she has turned in her work and uses class time well. Roland and I both think that if she starts doing the work she will get the C's, probably A's. Ann felt better about that.

I did not let her watch Buffy last night because she said that she forgot to bring home a book and so could not do her homework. She protested that she could not help forgetting things. I told her that I thought she could help it. The material you sent home suggests having another set of books at home, and I will ask the tutor if we can get a set from the school. If we cannot do you know how we should get them?

I have been thinking a lot about my reluctance to take on the homework battle. I have figured it out, I think. I am currently working with Ann on a lot of behaviors...getting herself up in the morning; doing her chores; speaking politely rather than ordering me to do something; then there is just the stress from this being a new situation. Anyway, I am feeling that my relationship with Ann is maxed (stress wise) and a major battle over homework is too much.

So I want you to know that I will check to see if her teachers are initialing her agenda, but that's it. I'm not going to argue with her or try to make her do anything. I just don't have the energy for that on top of everything else.

I wanted also to ask you what the policy is about her staying at the private school. I assume that we will let her stay all this year regardless of her work, but does she have to reach certain goals to go back next year?

So that's the update...

I don't know that the previous posts included much about the never-ending homework battle. It was a battle. In some ways Ann is like Brian. They are both very smart, get very good grades on tests, and tend to forget all the little things.

Except with Ann there was more of a defiance in there. She was determined to demonstrate that we couldn't control her. It was a battle I quickly just gave up on.

Part 19