Ann's Story Part 21: The Counseling Appointment

Feb. 12, 2003
To the social worker:

Ann was very uncooperative in counseling...I don't know how counselor does it. Ann kept saying that she wanted to go home and that she would go home no matter what. We tried to get her to talk about something meaningful. The counselor asked me what one behavior of Ann's I would be most interested in seeing changed and I said the threats of bad behavior. Ann did mitigate it saying that she would not hit anyone, because the consequences of that were too severe, but she would do other things. I think that we may have got through about the violence.

As soon as we left Ann started turning on the charm. I was too tired to respond much and when we got home she apologized for being a "butt head" and gave me a hug.

Same day, to my friend:

The appointment with counselor went pretty well on this ground. I was able to sneak back to the office first and give her a heads up. I think we got through to her about the consequences of violence. Of course now she is expressing concern that she will do "other terrible things."

What is going on is part of the attachment disorder, and it will get worse before it gets better. I am committed to weathering it out...I did need to have her committed to not hurting the boys. Of course if she decides she really wants to leave she will know where the button is. The basics is this: the more a kid (or anyone) has been hurt the more they will protect themselves from being hurt again. If Ann feels herself wanting to attach to us she will panic and act out.

I am so torn about her visiting Mandy. My instincts tell me that it is important for her to know that Mandy still loves her. She did form an attachment to Mandy and John and loosing that completely would be a terrible thing. On the other hand, maybe it does make it more difficult to settle here. The situation is so different from that with Carl. Carl wanted to be here. I hate feeling like a jailer.