I feel SO much better

In October I was supposed to read my evaluations from last year, write up a self-evaluation page, and send it to the dean.

I couldn't face it and I didn't do it. I didn't decide not to do it; I just didn't do it.

Then in November I forgot about doing it.

In December I was overwhelmed and decided I would do it before Winter Term in the beginning of January.

Except I forgot, because I didn't want to remember.

Then I remembered, but I was really busy and said I would do it at the next break.

Then I realized how really absolutely horrible it was that I was supposed to have done this in October and it was Feburary and I hadn't done it and I started having anxiety attacks when I thought about it and I avoided thinking about it...only I felt worse and worse and worse.

Then on Monday of this week we got a reminder from the dean's office about having to turn in our self-evaluations by October 1 in the fall and so we might want to consider collecting the data now.*

And I tried to open my evaluations and really just couldn't make myself do it.

And I went home and I cried and Roland came to work with me and I printed them off and he read them and summarized them and helped me deal with it. Over the next couple of days he kept reminding me about how many positive comments there were.

And yesterday I wrote the self-evaluation and sent it to the dean.

And last night I slept. I really, really slept.

And today I feel good. Better than I have for a very long time.

And I thought I would let you know, particularly since I told you how miserable I was when I was first processing the evaluations.

Thanks for helping me get through it.

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*It occurs to me, now that I am calm again, that if the dean is sending out reminders about next year I might not be the only prof who had touble getting them in on time this year.