Sunday, August 19, 2007

Why TPR?

There is a TPR hearing for Frankie's mother in December.

I don't know why they are doing it. I know reasons why she cannot be expected to provide him with a safe and stable home, and that she has three daughters in her custody. Frankie was removed from his father's custody. His rights were terminated some time ago.

But I don't understand why they are pursuing this with his mother.

It is not a requirement for entry into the program for which I work. Kids only get into this program if reunification is no longer being considered, but that does not necessarily mean termination of parental rights have to be done.

She has not seen him very much over the past five years, although she apparently has made more contact recently. She is not considered dangerous to him, except in the way that neglect is dangerous.

So I don't get it.

From my perspective it does not make a difference. I am not planning on adopting him, and I am planning on staying connected to him indefinitely. I expect to be part of his life. Like Carl, David, and Evan, he may come home for holidays, to recover from an illness, to live during vacations at school. He may call me to ask how to cook salmon, or come over to sew curtains. I offer that to him regardless of his relationship to his parents.

I don't think it is a good thing for Frankie. I don't see why making him a legal orphan is a good thing. Will it be a good thing if she doesn't fight it, for him to know that his mother let the state legally sever their relationship? Will it be a good thing for him to hear that the state has decided that the mother who is caring for his sisters is not fit to care for him?

What will it do to his relationship with his sisters?

I can't see how it will encourage healthy contact and visitation.

I asked the social worker and he did not know; he actually seemed a bit surprised by the question.

I suspect there isn't a reason. It is just what they do.

But I wish they wouldn't.

She is his mom. She was only 16 when he was born. She has made good decisions and bad decisions. I agree that she cannot provide him with the stability he needs. But she is still his mother.

How is anything made better by making him a legal orphan?


  1. I suspect there is some funding involved one he is legally an orphan. Perhaps there is some thought that he will be adopted some day. I don't know. I just know that until I was either a ward of the state or legally emancipated, there was a slew of things I couldn't gain access to.

  2. Yondalla, I agree with you. Baby R is way too young to know all the details of the people in his life but we are very adamant that NOBODY talks bad about his mother. That includes his grandmother and his own mother. She is the person who gave him life, who carried him for ill or for good into the world that allowed him to be placed with us.

    For that reason and that reason alone she will always have a special place for us. I wish more foster/adoptive families remembered that.

    I don't know if thats what you meant by this post but it is something I've always wanted to say.


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