Friday, August 03, 2007

Frankie's coming to visit

Hopefully by Sunday I will no longer be tired, because Frankie will be here.

As you may remember, Frankie lives several hours drive from here. One of zirs current workers, whom I'll call "Ben," is going to be in the area for a training and suggested bringing Frankie along so that ze can meet zirs new worker (the one with the agency with which I work) and do some of the things zir must do in order to enter the program.

I originally thought that it would be good if ze was just told that we were a family that was going to let ze stay for two days so that there would not be any pressure. That however is not going to work. Ze has already been told that there is a family in Our Small Town that has been recommended for zir and ze is not stupid. Ze will know we are that family.

Ben though said that maybe he would tell Frankie that this was a trial run and that everyone wanted to make sure it would work out -- you know, instead of just introducing us as zirs new family.


I told the worker that with the boys I had emphasized that they got a choice in this too, that the visits were not just about us deciding if it would work, but for them to decide if we were right. The worker thought that was fantastic and would definitely tell Frankie that.

I told the worker he could tell Frankie that we were active in PFLAG (I had to explain what that is). The worker had only been told that we might be a good family for Frankie. He had not been told that we had a commitment to GLBTQ kids. He was thrilled. With other families have been okay with Frankie's other challenges*, but have not been comfortable with the other stuff. That we are actually interested in zir BECAUSE of the other stuff was amazing too him.

And then he found out that Brian and Andrew play D&D and World of Warcraft.

I think Ben was about to cry for joy.

A family that is comfortable with a kid who is questioning AND has children that play D&D?

Apparently we are too good to be true.

I am a little nervous about the visit though. Frankie really, really, really wants this. Ze wants to leave the group home, wants to be in the program I work for, wants to live with a family, and wants to live in my county. Though Frankie often does need time alone and can be fairly independent, we are to prepare for a kid who is intensely trying to please.

We might tell zir early on that ze is welcome to live with us if ze wishes, just to take some of the stress off.

Now if you will excuse me, I have to drive my hubby to pick up his van. It wasn't just the brake pads. Sigh.

*I'm not going to share with you what Frankie's past challenging behaviors are. I will tell you that the most difficult things that ze has done were (1) things that would not be dangerous to Andrew and Brian and (2) have not been seen for quite some time. So even if ze is as challenging as ze has ever been, I am not worried for safety or anything like that.

Still, I am going to try to give Frankie a clean slate. This will be the first time ze has lived in a household that is accepting of the sort of questioning ze is doing. That might have a calming influence, or it may cause testing behaviors to be more extreme (the more valuable something is the more scary it is to get attached to it). We will just have to see how it goes.

What the boys think


  1. Welcome home. I hope you had a good break. Best of luck with Frankie! I hope it all goes well.

  2. I think you may have slipped up in the pseudonym use.

    Also: I hope things go really well with Frankie! And I'm so sorry about it not being the brake pads.

  3. I'm eager to hear how it goes. I'll eventually get all the pronouns. I think it is very cool your kids play D&D, Hubby and I both did until we got to old to find people to play.

    I really am glad you're back.


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