Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Questions and Anwers (update)

I will probably write more of these posts as things go on. I expect there will be plenty of questions and I will try to answer them as best I can.

Q1. How will Frankie present to guests in your home?
A1. I don't know. It will be up to Frankie.

Q2. Will the agency pay for falsies?
A2. Probably. Especially if the counselor recommends them as part of his therapy.

Q3. Won't it be difficult for Frankie to "be" a girl at home and a boy outside the home?
A3. I think this is a pretty typical path. Frankie needs to get comfortable as a girl. Ideally she should not present herself to the world until she can either pass or feel confident enough to deal with the stares and whatever else she has to deal with. I'm a little curious myself about going shopping for girl clothes with someone presenting as a boy. I'm not sure how that will feel. When he is ready to present as a girl outside the home, we will support her.

Q4. How are Andrew and Brian handling this?
A4. Brian has known at least one transwoman for as long as he can remember. He has had the disorienting experience of a woman telling him, "The kids in that picture are mine. I'm their father." Brian is okay with the idea of it, however the sight of Frankie is a skirt gives him the giggles. Andrew's response was, and I quote, "Okay. Oh, by the way, there's this kid in band who I think might be gay. I was meaning to ask you if you could give me some links to things on the web for him. PFLAG has something, don't they?"

Q5. How is "Hubby" handling this?
A5. More matter-of-factly than I am. I know that seems impossible, but I am not as calm IRL as I appear to be here. (When Hubby came back from the open house at school I took him in the bedroom and was like "Guess What!!!! Frankie's trans! Or he thinks he is anyway! He's downstairs right now putting on a dress!!!! We have a trans kid!" and Hubby said, "Okay.")

Q6. How has this affected Frankie's apparent developmental age?
A6. Well, it is awfully early to tell. Frankie spent all of two hours in a skirt yesterday. However Frankie had seemed very much the 10-year-old boy, but once she presented in a skirt she seemed more like a 12-year-old girl. You know -- too old for toys and just on the edge of pubescence.

Q7. What did Brian mean by "becoming a woman" being a back-up plan?
A7. It is not very clear as the back-up plan became Plan A as soon as I said it was okay. Apparently though Frankie had something to the effect that if he couldn't get a girlfriend he was going to become a woman.

Q8. Do you think that remaining developmentally at age 10 is a way for Frankie to avoid dealing with the fact that puberty has only heightened (what may be undesirable) male characteristics?
A8. I've suspected this. Trying to stay a child, becoming a druid, anything so that ze does not have to think about becoming a man.


  1. Frankie is the luckiest boy/girl in the world to be in your home.

  2. I am waiting with baited breath for your next installment.

  3. For some reason the last answer makes me sad thinking about how messed up he/she must feel and how that would affect the emotional age he/she presents at. Then I think of how unsupporting our society is and I want to cry! Thank goodness this kid found you.

  4. Wow. Frankie certainly is fortunate to be with you. There could be foster parents out there who would be planning an exorcism about now.

    Best of luck to him, and to all your family.

  5. I agree that Frankie is very lucky to have found you!!

  6. Q5 has me convinced that we're birds of a feather. I'd be all geeked too.

  7. This could do wonders for his emotional/mental development. And it is so much more exciting than the school stuff, which is too much like real life around my house. :)


Comments will be open for a little while, then I will be shutting them off. The blog will stay, but I do not want either to moderate comments or leave the blog available to spammers.