"Is he?"

Seeing as how we have a history of taking GLBT kids, we are getting that question a lot. Nobody asks in front of Frankie, of course. Some people just ask out right, "Is he gay?" Other people want to know, "Is he ... you know..."

And we tell them that he was referred to us because he has been indicating questioning and he needed a safe place to work that out. And usually people accept that answer, but sometimes, especially the ones who are most likely to celebrate another gay boy finding acceptance will follow up, "But what do you think?"

And the answer is: My gaydar is broken.

You know how if you think about the sound of a word too long it seems to separate from its meaning. I mean, think about the word, "cabbage." It is just sound, and an odd sound. If you analyze it too long, it looses its original meaning. It sounds like a word that should be used to describe the way rabbits move when they go quickly, "Seeing the dog, the rabbit cabbaged across the meadow."

Well, that sort of thing has happened to my gaydar. I have wondered about it and thought about it so much that all meaning has been stripped away form the signs and symbols.

When he stands and talks to someone he can't stay still. He shifts his weight from one leg to the other, propping himself with his arm and then taking it away to lean the other way. It not subtle thing, it is a fluid shifting of his entire body, ankles, hips and head. Definitely not butch, but is it fem, or is it child-like? Does it mean anything? No.

He keeps creating new characters on WOW, unable to decide who he wants to be in this world. However, all of his characters are female, and somehow they are all very butch. Maerlowe has pointed out the attractions to teenage hetero boys in playing female characters. They get to spend a whole lot of time watching women's buttocks. But he seems to favor the undead. All his characters are female, and not one is curvaceous. They barely look like women from behind. Does the fact that every character he wants to play is a butch female mean anything? No.

And what about when he said he doesn't like to hug because hugging is for girls?

Or when the evening he spent coming up with reasons to pull his shirt up in front of Evan? How about the fact that he seems to have stopped that completely? When Evan is here he seeks his attention, but no more than he does anyone else.

Frankie seeks attention from everyone. He is very comfortable with men. In fact the only person that was here that he did not seek attention from was David, the boy least likely to be able to closet himself even for a few minutes. David he completely ignored.

Which is what he does, or at least seems to do whenever we talk about gay stuff, which seems to happen around here a fair amount. Evan dropped by last night and stayed patient while Frankie and I competed for his attention. "Did you get your room set up?" "Do you think that a roy-j or a mage is a better character?" "What do you think of your roommates?" "I think I might want to be a shaman, because they can walk on water. Do you think a shaman is good?" And then I ask, "Are you out to your roommates?" and Frankie is absorbed in the WOW book that Brian bought, apparently not paying any attention at all, but not interrupting.

I know in the past he asked and said things that indicated questioning. You know, subtle things like, "A boy kissed me and I liked it, does that mean I am gay?"

The only thing that is clear is that Frankie is not interested in dealing with his sexuality, whatever it is. He either just is developmentally 10 years old, or he is retreating to that state of being so as not to have to think about it.

So now when people ask me what I think, I believe I am just going to have to tell them that we can't know until he grows up.