Sunday, August 26, 2007

Do you read the foster adopt blogs? (updated, sadly)

If you read here, I imagine you do.

Granny's great-granddaughters were taken away because one of the girls call CPS. The investigating workers did not believe the accusations that were made, but did find that her apartment was unsafe.

Maerlowe had a surprise inspection and was marked down for keeping bananas and apples in a bowl on the table. She wants to adopt her son and leave the system. She wrote a moving post about living with the fear that CPS will take her son away.

Maggie says she lives with the same fear.

FosterAbba is dying the death of a thousand tiny cuts and plans on adopting her daughter and leaving.

Gina is facing the "not if, but when" investigation and plans on leaving.

Baggage is being given grief for expecting the assistance she is promised and is livid, although I haven't heard her say that she is about to get out.

Cindy is dealing with another investigation. However, she has weathered so many storms that though she is hurt and angry, she is riding this one out.

Lionmom recently dealt with a criticism from the agency that once sang her praises, and now she is facing an investigation because one of her girls got pregnant.

And all of that is this summer. Have I missed anyone?

And I feel that I should write a post. In that post I would be wise. I would acknowledge that social workers are over-burdened, because as a society we don't really care about children, at least not poor children or children in the system, and we do not provide the resources to do it right. I would acknowledge that of course foster families must be supervised, because there are those families who are terrible, and they must be found and shut down.

I would acknowledge that the safety of the children comes first.

But mostly in this post that I should write, I would say something eloquent and supportive for all these people I admire who are being treated in ways they do not deserve. I would say something that might make them feel better and give them strength.

And then, finally, in that post, I would say something so wise and moving that people who are thinking about becoming foster parents would not read these blogs and decide that there is no way they are going to risk being treated like that.

But I find I cannot write that post. Only this one.


  1. But the post that you did write is supportive in its own way.

    Thank you.

  2. I'm very close to this point I'm probably going to stick with the kids I have until they reach permanenancy and then get out. No new kids for me.

    I struggle with being honest on my blog because I want people to be foster parents. I think it is obvious by reading our blogs and reading your blog that the difference is a caring agency. Your agency makes sure you are paid, makes sure your kids have everything they need, takes the time to make thoughtful, appropriate placements and so on and so on.

    Our agencies seem to be quite the opposite huh? Our problems are not with the kids, or the struggles that come from the kids. Our problem is the way we are treated by the agencies.

    Thanks for this post.

  3. God, what a roundup of misery.

    I think the last thing I wrote about our status as future foster parents was that we'll keep our lisence for the "if, not when" Huckle's mom has another child, so that there's at least the possibility that we could take him or her. But other than that? I think I'd rather be pregnant (which is saying a lot).

  4. It is so strange that all these things are happening at once. I mean, these blogs are just random foster parents who happen to blog, so these things must be happening to foster parents all over the country!
    But don't worry... I myself am planning to be a foster parent as soon as I actually have a steady place to live. Reading all these posts has made me cautious, but I still want to do it. Maybe I too will get fed up with it and quit after a few years, but at least I will have tried it, just like you guys did! All of you foster parents who blog, you are my "virtual mentors!" :)

  5. I read every single post you linked to. By the time I was done, I was angry and sick to my stomach. How can they treat people like that? People who are willing to something everyday that almost no one else is willing to? The unfairness galls me to my core.

  6. Anonymous8:18 AM

    I don't blog publicly about my foster kids, but my husband and I have not had a positive experience. We plan on doing respite only once the current sibling group has moved back in with their mother.

  7. Nicki - I know it seems like all this is happening "all at once" but it isn't. FosterEema and FosterAbba, Baggage, and Cindy have been going through these things for months and months, at the very least. Over just a year of reading fost-adopt blogs, I can recall three other investigations that f-parents went through hich did not have the happy endings that Gina and Cindy did. Lionmom and I live in a state that's gone totally batshit crazy.

    My post was originally a comment on Baggage's blog -- I could have written a similar post nine, six, or three months ago, but it is hard to admit how much you worry, how tenuous my family feels.

  8. (Waving hand frantically)
    And us, we'd probably never be able to be foster parents again, even if we wanted to. Because one of our CPS investigations (in the aftermath of a violent incident in which we had to defend ourselves from Toots) resulted in an "indicated" report. And yes, we have engaged an attorney and are challenging the state Office of Children and Family Services over it.

    All because we wanted children in our lives.


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