Thursday, August 30, 2007

Frankie's Counselor and Lingerie

Frankie's counselor is marvelous. I cannot believe that we found someone out here in State of Redness who is this perfect. Of course the The City is a island of deep blue in the midst of all the red, but still!

He's gay. He did not actually say he was, but if he isn't I will eat a tit bit. He is a child counselor, who has worked with adolescents, and has worked with GLBT (including the T!) kids.

I told him about Frankie and he pulled out his costumes. He had a princess dress and a sequin-covered ice skating costume. He said lots of the little boys who visit love the costumes and want to know where the high heels are.

I told him that ordinarily if I met a 15-year-old who told me that she was a MtoF tansexual, who was looking forward to hormone treatment and surgery, I would say, "Okay." With Frankie though, it was more complicated. I think there is an excellent chance that he is transexual. I think there is a possibility that he is a gay boy who thinks that it life would be easier if he were a girl because he could be straight and still like boys. And there is a chance that becoming a girl is another way of retreating from his trauma -- of not being him.

The counselor agreed and said that his approach with kids like Frankie is to treat the trauma. If they address his underlying issues, the transgender stuff will either fade away or not. I told him that Frankie, even though he knew he was going to see a counselor before he announced his desire to become a woman, is now under the impression that the reason for seeing him was so that he could get on the transexual pipeline, and the counselor said that was fine. The standards of care for transexual treatment required comprehensive counseling. (By the way, Frankie consistently says that he wants to become a woman. He does not say that he is a girl or a woman. I don't know if that is significant, but I take it that it does mean he is identifying as a boy now. I'll probably use the female pronoun when s/he is presenting as a girl, and the male pronoun otherwise.)

Anyway, I think the counselor is perfect. He is experienced with kids and early adolescents, and has dealt with both sexuality and gender identification. He is completely comfortable with the idea that Frankie could be transgendered, and thinks the most important thing is dealing with Frankie as a whole person.

Frankie has led a bizarre life. He has suffered significant neglect, some physical abuse, and has lived in situations that are extraordinary. And that was before he entered the system and spent years in treatment facilities.

While I was visiting this guy, Andrew had a different appointment. We ran some errands in The City and did not get back to the house until after 8:00. Frankie and Brian were "box hunting" which involved throwing pointed sticks at old cardboard boxes. It was a very "little boy" activity. For a moment I wondered if the whole "I want to be a girl thing" was over.

But of course that was silly. He followed me inside and immediately started talking about shopping for clothes. We ordered him two bras and some panties from an on-line retailer. They were fairly inexpensive which is good since I am not absolutely sure they will fit. Still, taking him shopping for bras in a store is beyond my comfort zone. In theory I want to walk right in and help him pick them out and try them on. In reality I know that I am not there yet -- and I think it is better for Frankie if I can help him while doing things that don't make me feel embarrassed and uncomfortable.

We agreed to initially shop for girls' clothes at a thrift store so that he could stock up -- and I think we both feel more comfortable with him trying on girls clothes there. Anyway, we did look at girls clothes at the on-line store. He found a very short mini skirt that he said he wanted. I told him no girl of mine was going to wear a skirt so short her butt would show when she bent over. He giggled and pointed to a slightly longer one, which I agreed was appropriate.

Then he wanted to look at "real fake breasts" so I showed him some breast prostheses. He was amazed at the price and started to calculate how long it would take for him to save up for them, given that he also had to pay for WOW.

Then he wanted me to research on the cost of surgery, but I said no and sent him to bed.


  1. Frankie just sounds great. Seriously. I just want to hug her.

  2. well at least she has her priorities straight! got to pay pay for WOW along with the fake breasts! i agree with baggage, frankie sounds adorable!

  3. OK. Wow. Things have progressed in unexpected ways since I last checked in on your blog.

    I think it's awesome that you're letting Frankie explore who he is in a safe and accepting environment, but also realizing that the desires he's expressing need to be explored slowly .


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