Saturday, August 18, 2007

Frankie, The Boys, and First Allowance

Frankie and Brian have been getting along like a house afire (that's a metaphor for "well" right?)

They both have "social awkwardness" that seems to integrate just fine. Brian has been teaching Frankie how to play the various video games, and Frankie has been an eager pupil. David, who was here last night, commented that it looked like Brian finally got the younger brother he always wanted. (For those who have not memorized every detail of my children's biographies, Frankie is 15 and Brian is 13, but like I said, Frankie feels 10).

Anyway, I drove to the city yesterday to fetch David to spend some time with us. When I got him home I told him that he was 80% there because I missed him; 10% there because he and Frankie should meet each other; and 10% there so that Frankie would know that we liked gay people, even if they weren't ... you know ... more "butch" than Hubby.

David laughed and said, "Yeah, Evan and I are sort on opposite ends of the scale, aren't we?"

I said that I would not say opposite, but definitely different. David said he did not mind being an exhibit. Frankie did not interact with him much, but that's okay. Afterwards Hubby asked me if Frankie had been told that David was gay. I'm afraid I said, "No. But he met him. And then there is that prom picture of him and his ex-boyfriend on the mantle in the living room." (They are so adorable in their coordinating tuxes. If I posted photos it would have a permanent home on the front page.)

We gave Frankie his first allowance, waiting until this morning so that Hubby would be able to say "yes" when Frankie asked if he could go shopping right away. They went to a couple of different stores. Frankie bought 3 skeins of yarn that do not match in color, weight, or texture, along with a set of crochet hooks so that he can crochet an "afghanistan." He also got a Nerf gun. He wanted the semi-automatic one, but could only afford the ... whatever it was. He looked at rings at one store and has said that with his next allowance he wants to get a ring and more darts for the gun.

This kid has, I'm proud to report, absolutely no respect for gender stereotypes.

When they got out of the van Frankie saw the PFLAG bumper sticker and wanted to know what that meant. Hubby told him that it stood for "Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays" and that "we have a lot of gay people in our family." He said that Frankie's eyes darted around nervously, but he didn't say anything.

Hubby didn't say anything either, allowing Frankie to change the subject.

Before I met him I had trouble believing that a fifteen-year-old boy in 2007 could not be out to himself. He might appear to be questioning, but surely he was just questioning the safety of coming out to others. Now that I am getting to know him though I have no trouble at all with the thought that he is still in the self-discovery process.

And that is okay too.


  1. Best to let him muddle through for himself. I didn't work out my sexuality until I was nearly sixteen (I'm eighteen), when the mounting pile of evidence about how not straight I was finally became un-ignorable. The idea had been ghosting across my mind on and off since I was about thirteen, but I just wasn't sure until about three weeks before my sixteenth birthday when everything just seemed to fall into place mentally. Sounds like Frankie's just waiting for that light-switch to flip.

  2. Anonymous12:34 AM

    I'm 32 and I'm still "in the self-discovery process", as you put it. And no, it's not that I'd be scared to come out - I'm just very independent and kind of a late bloomer and I'm honestly not sure where on the spectrum I fall. Just wanted to add another voice saying that 15 doesn't sound old at all to me to honestly not be sure yet.

  3. I've been away and am just catching up. But I really wouldn't worry too much about the age he comes out. I know it was an issue in Jr High and High Schol, but I was 18 and living on my own before I finally really started to accept it. Then I went in the Army and totally closeted myself again. It wasn't until I was almost done with the Army, around age 22 or so that I really came to terms with things. But even after all that I still continued to date girls. It wasn't until I was 24 and completely out of the Army that I was comfortable being out period.

    All that to say, don't worry much about timelines. We all have our own.

  4. I'm not worried about it. I just didn't believe it until I met him!


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