Thursday, June 08, 2006

Taking Evan's Inventory, and other bad things

If you have any knowledge about 12-Step programs you will know that what I am doing here is very, very naughty. But I keep running through this all in my head and sometimes posting it helps me stop thinking about things. So here goes.

Taking Evan’s Inventory:
1. Visits with counselor. Of all the things that Evan is doing this is the one that he complains about the least. Some days I think he actual finds it helpful. He may actually like his counselor.
2. Relapse Prevention Group: He has gone to his third session. He dislikes the group; he dislikes the leader; he is not learning anything.
3. 12-Step meetings: He is not going. He has not been to one in about 2 weeks. He and the counselor agreed that he would go to 24 meetings in the next 90 days. That of course means to him that he has WEEKS before he has to actually go to any.
4. In my opinion he is clean, but not in recovery.
5. Work: he goes on all the days he thinks he should. At least once a week he has been scheduled on a day he previously explained that he could not work. From what I can tell he simply does not go on those days, even when he could. He seems to think that showing up would mean he was letting himself be pushed around. On a couple of occasions other employees have told him that they thought he was fired, but he is not (yet). He is very frustrated that a young woman whom he dislikes has been made assistant manager. She has not worked there much longer than he, but has been willing to work any hours.
6. Health: not only has he discontinued his anti-anxiety meds but he has also stopped taking his blood pressure meds. He has not made an appointment with the psychiatrist as he has been asked.
7. Social isolation: he continues to spend most of his off-work time in his room. Of course he is on the internet or his cell phone, but it still can’t be healthy for him not to have flesh and blood friends that he hangs with.
8. School: he does appear to be putting some effort into his on-line class.
9. General: He would tell you that he is doing well, working hard. He would in fact claim that he has done EVERYthing that has been asked of him.

Future Tripping:
1. Next week summer school starts. When he first told us about the addiction he claimed that he only needed it to deal with school. Though this was clearly false as he needed to take it around the clock to avoid detox symptoms, it may be the case that school was (one of) the only times he needed for reasons other than preventing detox symptoms. When I expressed concern about some stress he was under a few weeks ago he said, “Big things like that I can handle, it is school I can’t handle.” Conclusion: Even Evan is not confident that he can stay clean while going to school.
2. We are going on a two week vacation in about a month. The plan we made back in the fall was that Evan would stay here and take care of the yard and the animals. I am making alternative plans for the animals and yard, but I don’t know what to do about Evan. The idea of letting him stay in the house alone sometimes seems idiotic and terrifying. Other times I don’t know why it bothers me. Let’s see, what’s the worse that could happen? (a) He could start using and spend most of the time we were gone sleeping. (b) He could start using, over-dose and die. The yard/animal sitter would eventual smell the stench from his room and call someone. (c) He could start using, run through all his money (he actually has quite a bit now), pawn our pitiful excuse for a stereo and the kids’ gaming systems, claim that we had been robbed…and… (d) He could start using, and his new dealer friend could set up shop in our house, cook meth in the kitchen and blow the house up. (Anyone else laughing yet?)

What I have done:
Anxious about whether it is a good idea to allow Evan to stay here alone I have talked to the rehab counselor and Hubby. Neither of them is particularly worried about it. I called the social worker and asked her what she thinks. She spoke to her supervisor whose initial reaction was that it was really not smart to let him stay here alone.

When I talked to the social worker I told her that I was anxious about letting him stay. I know now, and knew then, that if I tell the social worker that I am anxious about something the she will take steps to prevent that thing from happening. It will not matter to her whether my anxiety is based upon anything real.

That is probably not quite true; there are certainly things about which they try to help me be less anxious. In general though when I say, “I don’t feel comfortable with this,” this does not happen.

Current situation:
Hubby and I talked about it. Evan has 5 weeks of summer school and we will be here for 4 of them. If he makes it through the first four clean there seems to be little objective reason for worrying about him staying here while we are gone. If he doesn’t stay clean then…well…that would be an issue that needs to be dealt with even if we were here.
I wrote a letter to the social worker asking if we could put off making any firm decisions for a couple of weeks. She is off at a training and so has not responded. It might not make any difference though. If they have decided it is unwise then that’s it.

So I know I told the social worker we should not worry about this problem right now…but I don’t seem to be able to follow my own advice.

1 comment:

  1. So now you're just waiting?

    I don't think a list of concerns about a child living under your roof is an inventory. It's just a way of setting things down to look at them objectively rather than rattling around in your brain.


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