David's Story Part 19: David's Brother

1/08/04
Mary

David called his brother, DB1, and his adoptive dad, “Jerry”, last night. You might remember that a while back Db2 left Jerry’s house, which is in another state, and came back to foster care here. Db2 is in a special home for kids with medical disabilities. In Db2’s case, the disability is FAS. Jerry did not want to give Db2 back, but his behaviors were getting too extreme. John already had a previously adopted son and John felt his son was not physically safe. There was a lot of debate about what to do about Db1. In the end, Db1 insisted on staying. He is 13 now and he knows what his chances are of being adopted by anyone else at his age.

Except that it turns out that Db1 is now lonely and miserable. He is failing classes (all except band) and hiding in his room all the time. Jerry is distraught. David spent an hour and a half talking with them and then was interrupted when Db1’s social worker called Jerry. She is planning on going to get Db1 early next week to bring him back here.

No one can get Db1 to be clear about what he wants now. He says he does not miss
Db2 (who after all just left) but does miss David (whom he has not seen for nearly a year). Db1 would talk about things he wanted to do with John in the future and then talk about how he was moving back here right now. John is afraid that if Db1 leaves (which he is) that he won’t come back.

David is very calm, but I know he is bothered. You may remember that David separated himself from them so that they could be adopted. That seemed to work and for the past six months they were safe and far away and no longer David’s responsibility. He was responsible for them for so much of his childhood; it has been good for him to know that someone else was taking care of them.

Anyway, the plan is that Db1 will be placed in a home close to Db2's home.
The two families already work together so the boys will get to see each other.
They will also be going to the same school as younger brother Db3. David thinks that this is a huge mistake. David would like to see Db1 be a in the same program and be close to him.

Ugg. All the drama.

1/20/04

Also…the State worker reports that David’s other brother is also back. She says he would like David to call.

2.7/04

Remember David's two brothers Db2 and Db1? Db1 returned to foster care in our state about 3 weeks ago. David talked to him on the phone as soon as he got here, but that was all. This morning Db1's new mother, “Cathy,” called to say that Db1 had been crying because he missed David so much; could we spend some time with them today?

So we met up in The City for lunch at Panda Express and then went to the Discovery Center. As soon as Db1 saw David he started grinning. I don't think he stopped smiling the entire 3 hours we spent together. Db1 is a quiet sweet kid.

Cathy has been doing foster care for only 6 months, and Db1 is her favorite kid.
She is hoping that Db1 will be accepted into the agency/program for which I work and she will be able to keep him. First though the state wants to put him up for adoption again. Cathy thinks it is a bad idea; he has already experienced 2 failed adoptions. David agrees. I think Db1 will probably end up in the program; he is 13 years old.

So we will try to get the boys together about once a month or so.

David's response to his brothers was always interesting to me. He had separated from them to give them a better chance and once he had he realized how much he liked not being responsible for them. When he found that their placement was not working out he was quietly frustrated. For a while I thought that maybe he would want Db1 to move in with us. We talked about it and I told David that if he wanted to share a room with his brother we would take him. David was quite clear that he really did not want to do that.

David never called his brothers, but he would periodically call their parents. He seemed to want to be confident that someone else was taking good care of them so that he did not need to worry. Whenever Db1 would want to see him though, David would drop everything. On this first occasion he was asleep. It was a Saturday morning. I woke him, asked him if he wanted to go and how quickly could be be ready. He got right up and said, "Fifteen minutes." I had no idea he could get ready to do anything in fifteen minutes.

David's Story Part 20:Planning Ahead
David's Story Part 1: The Beginning