Monday, October 22, 2007

To the foster care alums & others

AidelMaidel left a comment on the last post, which I welcome.

I know that reading this story may trigger your own traumas. I understand. Do not worry about my feelings. Leave comments here or write on your own blogs as you need.

This shouldn't be happening to Frankie. He should not lose another family because he has a mental illness that needs treatment. It shouldn't. It is possible that he is just now finally at the point where he can express some of the rage over what was done to him. It might be that now is when he most needs a family to stand by him.

Right now I know he needs something I cannot give him. I think he needs to be in a treatment center or psychiatric ward.

I am open to the possibility that he would come back, in a week or in a year. It is not a decision that I can make myself. The family and social workers will have to agree. It is possible, but I do not have high hopes.

But please, all of you, take care of yourselves. If you want or need, give voice to Frankie's pain as you see it.

Give voice to your own pain.

Take care of yourselves.

For everyone: so far all the comments have been respectful. The decisions that are being made are being made based upon the needs of everyone involved. Frankie is not a bad kid. Frankie is a deeply hurt kid with very deep needs. We may be unable to meet them, but he is not bad.


  1. This is very, very hard. But you are doing the right thing.

  2. I just want to let you know that I am reading, I am thinking of all of you.
    Take care.

  3. My heart goes out to you (and prayers, too). These are difficult decisions. FWIW - it sounds like you are making the best decision for Frankie AND your family. I have felt the same sadness you are feeling, when all we can do is just not enough. We want it to be, but it isn't. It just isn't. {{Hugs}}

  4. It takes strong people to admit that they are not able to help a child but will seek people that can help. It also shows that you are in foster care for the right reasons.

    You could weather this storm, but there will always another one. You are doing the right thing for him and for your family.


  5. My heart goes out to you. Although our L Jr. & L by no means had the issues Frankie has (they were meth babies), I can understand to a point having to know when you can't provide the level of care that is needed. It's a hard decision to make.

    You are doing the right thing for both Frankie and your family.


Comments will be open for a little while, then I will be shutting them off. The blog will stay, but I do not want either to moderate comments or leave the blog available to spammers.