Monday, October 22, 2007

Decision Made

It turns out that there is only one facility in the area that has a psychiatric unit for teenagers, and it is full. We thought there was another, but it only takes children under 12.

It is also the place where Frankie went and "never came back." Being told that that was the alternative to deescalating is what brought him down both Tuesday and last night. So maybe it is good that it is full. His state worker will be coming to pick him up "hopefully by the end of the week" and take him back to The Town From Whence He Came, probably back to the same group home.

So...if Frankie is still under his own control at all, this news will placate him. We will be able to have a couple of days to make a scrap book, load whatever music he wants onto his MP3 player, help him pack and generally have a civilized parting.

If he is cycling into a psychotic episode and becomes dangerous then we are to either call the police and have them take him to JD or take him to the hospital and insist on a 72 hour psych hold. I'm 80% confident that he will chill when he knows he is getting what he has been insisting upon, but part of me is afraid that he is outside his own control.

At best it will be a sad and difficult couple of days. He does not have any understanding of how his actions affect others. At best, he will talk happily about leaving and not notice how much that hurts Brian's feelings, which it will.

I don't know what set him off...but from my perspective this has been building for a couple of weeks. I would date it from the attempt to lower one of his medications, but I don't think the issue is as simple as, "They lowered his medication and that threw his mood disorder out of whack" although it could be. AidelMaidel does a good job of listing stressors and triggers he has gone through the past week.

I don't know. And at the moment it doesn't seem important. It happened. He's leaving. I'm sad.


  1. I am sorry.

    I hope that the news that he is moving out will placate him. He will be, after all, getting what he wants.

    We will all be thinking of you, your family and Frankie, and hope that the next few days go as smoothly as possible.

    Give yourself a hug. It's always easy to look at things in retrospect and think about how you "might have done things differently," but I really think that Frankie just isn't ready to live with a family.

    It's so sad for all of you. Be well and take care of yourselves.

  2. I don't know what to say, but feel I should say something. You're family is amazing, and I'm sure you did everything possible, and then more. I think you went above and beyond, and have made the best decision for everyone. Just want to send my love and support.

  3. Thank you for the link.

    I want to just point out that this is a loss (for everyone involved). And all of you will go through a grieving period - which is NORMAL. I know everyone (especially those of us here on the internets) wants a fairy tale happy ending. And sometimes those endings don't happen. The death of a dream is always sad.

    In Judaism we believe in the concept of "Hashgocha Pratis", which means divine intervention. That means that everything that happens is the direct hand of G-d. Everything from G-d is inherently good. It's just that often we can't see what the good could possibly be in a situation. We have to have distance and hindsight to know why something happened. It's hard so see what the good is right now. I know, after much review of my past, that often times at the moment something "terrible" happens, it's hard to see the good. The only solace I have had about this concept is what someone said to me many years ago. "Sometimes things are so good, they come disguised as bad."

    Right now it just SUCKS. But you know what? You've already said it was an open door. If things change he could come back. Maybe going away will be what helps him make a change. Maybe it won't. Maybe you will become a different person because of everything that happened. Maybe your boys will be more compassionate towards the mentally ill. Maybe you will decide to stop fostering. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Who knows? Hopefully you'll be able to see the "why" in your lifetime. But if not, know that it had to happen.

    Sending you hugs of strength this week.

  4. I am sad for you and I am sad for Frankie. I will miss him. he is so likeable in so many ways-- or at least I have liked the story of him that you told.Really, you have made it easy to seem like I know this kid, and he has been interesting.

    I think you have to go on faith that you have given him something. You have shown him what a "real" family looks like.

  5. The sad thing is that even though this is what he says he wants, later on he will realize this is not at all what he wants. My heart is breaking for all of you.

  6. I'm really really sorry. I'm sad for you. I saw Butterfly today and it made me think of Frankie and I was sad.


Comments will be open for a little while, then I will be shutting them off. The blog will stay, but I do not want either to moderate comments or leave the blog available to spammers.