Tuesday, October 23, 2007

He Knows

He listened to his voice messages and there was one from his state worker that was left yesterday. The state worker said that he would be coming to get him this week or sometime next week.

Frankie made a mistake in sequences, but it worked. He figured if the message from the worker was left yesterday that must be after he told Diane that he wanted to stay, if she could change his school. So that must mean that the decision had been made. The message from the state worker was actually left before he talked to Diane, but the conclusion was accurate. The decision was made.

So we have been talking about it for a while. He has been processing through what this means.

I told him that living with us and changing schools wasn't possible.

He talked briefly about missing us -- or missing the things he likes about being here. What if he wanted to play video games or express himself openly? We told him that we could not tell him what the rules would be like somewhere else.

We agreed we would all be sad, but that we could take care of ourselves.

He asked why he couldn't stay in the permanency program but be with a different family so he could go to a different school and still see us. We explained that any school in the area would put him in a similar program. He is in a behavioral program and not doing well. No school around here will accept him except the ones that deal with behavioral kids.

He got frustrated, but not loud or violent and he didn't cry -- all good. He talked about where he might go, how he wanted to go back to the town where his last foster home was (more than 2 years ago) because he liked that school.

I asked him what he would think if he had to go back to the group home at least for a while. He said he would die, that they had the worst schooling of all.

Anyway, we talked about it for over an hour. We kept telling him to tell his state worker what he wanted.

I am pleased that he knows the decision is made. I am so very happy not to be concealing information from him, worried that he will find out and that he will blow.

Of course he still could, but from my perspective this is better.

We will see how tomorrow goes.


  1. Hmmm. I guess waiting is all you guys can do.

    No advice, just kind thoughts.

  2. I'm so glad that piece of worry is off your plate, at least! I'm also glad that Frankie took it so calmly. What a roller coaster. I wish I could do something to make it easier for you.

  3. I'm glad he knows. There's nothing like carrying around a time bomb, knowing that eventually the kid is going to find out.

    I'm also glad that he took the news so calmly. It's a shame he couldn't have been this calm over his frustrations with school, the video games, etc.

    Feel a hug. I'm so sorry you are all going through this. I wish I had some words of wisdom to make it easier on all of you.

  4. Its good that he ended up finding out. I understand about the schools. My mentee, Flash, attends school at her RTC. I thought since the RTC was located in a Psych hospital, she would attend the school located on the campus. But no, she attends school in her building, with the other RTC kids. Such a restrictive school setting... I don't know that that is what she needs as most of her problems are in the home setting. She'd be fine at an all girl school. Her schooling at a level V/VI special ed [behavioral/emotional] school was terrible too. I sat in for an hour with her every other week for several months. It was chaos there. The kids were not challenged at all. At school, education was like 5 on the list of priorities for the day and the kids in her class were so varied as to abilities and behaviors that nothing got done. =P

  5. It makes my heart hurt to read some of this. I think I empathize too much. I think how sad it is that a kid has to be going somewhere and he doesn't know where and he has no one to go with him or make the transition easier. Now, I know it has to happen and in Frankie's case he really needs treatment, etc. But I also think of all the foster kids that have to go through that. How scarey. It would have made me crazy when I was an insecure adolescent.

    And it seems wrong some how that kids are expected to make wise decisions for themselves, especially kids with metal helath issues. I wish there was a way every kid had good parents to help them. I know the workers are there in this capacity, but it is not the same. Oh crud. I'm rambling and not really explainign what I mean. I'll stop now.

    My heart goes out to you and Frankie.

  6. I think you said it best.

    "You cannot threaten the safety of others. If you do, you can't live here.

    Everyone in this family has the right to feel safe. Everyone."

    You are doing what is right for your family- all of your family, including Frankie.


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