Thursday, October 25, 2007

Thursday Morning

I'm not going to publish this until after Frankie leaves. I figure it is kinder to you all to let you have the whole story at one time.

We woke up late this morning (nearly 7:00am), which wasn't a problem for me or Frankie as I was planning on working at home and he is being picked up at 9:00am. It did mean that the rest of the family ran around like crazy and there wasn't much time for sentimentality. He has been saying sadly that he will miss everyone. He even hugged me last night. He looked like he wanted to get close for a real hug, but could not tolerate that much physical closeness.

We got just about everything packed last night. I keep finding odds and ends which I will put into the bags. everything he owns is in three suitcases, two duffel bags, and four largish boxes. NO BAGS. I understand why garbage bags must sometimes be resorted to. When I have moved I have packed a good deal of things in garbage bags myself. When Evan moved into the dorms I saw a lot of kids with things in garbage bags. On the other hand, for kids who tend to feel like they themselves have been thrown away ... well suitcases (which he brought with him) and study boxes are better. Fortunately I am usually able to get good boxes on very little notice at work.

I kept trying to persuade him to separate out the things that I knew he was allowed to take to the center. He wouldn't. I know where they are though, so he can dig them back out again if he is calm. He has his MP3 player out so that he can listen to it in the car, but he will not be allowed to take that.

Last night in the car I said, "You know how David and Evan have moved out but are still part of the family?"
"Well, you are moving out A LOT sooner than we expected but..."
"I'm still part of the family?"
"Yes. I doubt you will live with us again, but I want to be in your life. You are still part of our family."

I happen to know that the plan for him after some months is to send him out on short stays with foster families. They would like to find him more than one that he can visit regularly. I told the social worker than I can't make that decision for the family, but when they are ready to do that, they should call us.

The man from the center showed up. Frankie raged. He banged disks into the table, leaving scratches.

I told him that I wanted him to know why he was leaving. I had to get him to stop and re-start my sentence more than one but I finally got out the words "After you hurt your hand on Sunday I knew I couldn't keep you safe."

And what he concluded was that I was "in on it." I did not deny it. I told him several times that everything I did was to keep him safe.

And he yelled and said that he wanted a home, not a rat hole. Everyone had lied to him.

An hour ago he hugged me awkwardly and quickly, smiled and said that he would miss me.

Five minutes ago he left the house without his shoes because he was too distressed to look for them and the ones he had left out were suddenly not good enough to wear. He walked out the door saying, "Thanks a lot Yondalla!" (Not nicely of course). He climbed into the back of the car, turned to look out the window, and gave me the finger.


  1. Ouch.
    Hugs honey.

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  3. All I can say

    I've read, but have been lurking on your last few posts because I worked a marathon session of 13 billable hours yesterday and didn't have time to write much. Besides, I couldn't think of anything brilliant, supportive or helpful to say that I hadn't already said.

    I'm sorry things ended so badly, but it's pretty clear that you did the right thing.

    Living with lying and deceitful teens is one thing, living with an unstable child in the body of a teen who becomes violent and destructive is another.

    You are definitely in our thoughts today.

    Even though disrupting this placement is the right thing for all of you, I'm sure it has to be pretty emotional. I know when we asked for "Belinda" to be moved, we found it to be surprisingly upsetting, even though we knew we couldn't keep everyone safe with her here. I'm sure you are going through a lot right now. Please take care of yourself.

    Feel a big hug.

  4. What an emotional rollercoaster... hugs from me too.

  5. Arrgh...

    Poor guy. You did everything you could, really everything.

  6. I'm so sorry for all of you. Don't forget, though, that you HAVE made a difference to Frankie, and if you've done all you can do (even if it's not all you wanted to accomplish), then you have given your all. No one expects more, and I hope your family can heal and feel satisfaction in what you WERE able to do for Frankie.

  7. Goodness.

    I'm sorry it was so hard, but I'm glad it wasn't worse. Poor Frankie. Poor Family.

  8. Hugs coming your way, Y. I'm sorry that it had to end this way, but really, it seems like it was the only way it could end. I'm so sorry that he's so sick that he can't understand the reality of the situation. Although, if he did, obviously, this would be the ending. I'm so sorry, your heart must be heavy even though you absolutely did the right thing for Frankie and your family.

  9. I'm thinking of you and of Frankie today, wishing you both calm centeredness and healing.

  10. You seem to be an amazing woman and any child is lucky to have spent any amount of time in your home. Frankie is better for the time you gave him. Tons of good thoughts and prayers are headed your way.

  11. Even though it was a short time, you made a difference. One day perhaps he'll know that.

    I read your later posts first so I know that he calmed down and called.

  12. sorry it had to be this way.

  13. I'm sorry. I really am. I will be thinking about you both.


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