Choosing Honesty

This morning I was honest with him. He claimed that I was "in on it" and that I had lied to him. I was slightly tempted to try to explain that technically all I did was withhold information, but I didn't. Besides, I did lie. I told him I did not have information that he was wanting.

I told him several times this morning that I wanted to stay in touch with him and everything I did was because I wanted him to be safe. I don't know that it "got through" but I know that the man who took him heard me and can reinforce that message.

I have his address and can send him letters. I will keep them very short. I will also have to make myself print carefully because he can't read cursive.

I know now that lying to him last night was absolutely the right thing to do. Given what he was saying and trying to do this morning, I am sure he would have attempted to destroy his belongings since, "I can't take them with me and they will all get lost and I will never have them again anyway." We would have had to call the police and he would have destroyed things he cares about.

I think it was right to be honest with him this morning too.

See, I really would like to see him again. I don't think he could ever live here, but I would be willing to let him have a respite weekend here (months from now). I really do care about him.

But I can only have a relationship with him if it is based upon honesty. If he leaves and builds up a fantasy that I did not know what they were going to do and that maybe I even would have tried to stop it if I did, well, that would be bad.

But I'm okay. Sad, but not overwhelmingly so.

I know he is going where he needs to be.

And I am relieved for us all.