Monday, May 08, 2006

Evan and his mother

His mother gets out in (now) 82 days. She is going to move in with his abuser's grandmother. She is taking the baby sister with her.

This man brutally beat her son, but it does not bother her. If her son had just agreed to not go to that support group for gay kids, her boyfriend would not have had to hit him.

If her son had only hidden his bruises (by not going to the group), then the group leader would not have called the cops. The social worker would not have suggested that the parole officer make a surprise visit. The parole officer would not have seen the meth. She would not have be in jail.

Clearly everything in Evan's fault, but she is willing to forgive him. She hopes they can build a relationship.

My worry is Evan's reaction, or lack of one. All last evening he played video games on his computer. He came out to the living room to cheerfully tell me about his success (or lack thereof) in transporting goods across the galaxy. Nothing his mother said bothers him. It doesn't have anything to do with him. He's not going to be visiting her if she's living with that man or any of his relatives, but it's not big deal.

The possibilitites:

He is in a perfectly normal sort of denial, not feeling what he is not prepared to feel.

He was working hard to put up a good front for my sake. Though I have told him before that I feel safer about his recovery when he is not doing that, but that does not sink in. (I don't think so. Usually when he does this the real emotion shows through the cracks. He blinks away tears while telling me that he is not sad.)

He was using. If he is using then it is light use...just a pill or two to make the pain go away. Of course it will progress, but he was alert and engaged yesterday.


I wish he had a sponsor. I wish he was doing more obvious recovery work.

I wish...I wish...I wish...

I wish I could stop wondering and worrying and obsessing.

1 comment:

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