Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Deception exposed!

It feels good. I don't know if it SHOULD feel good...but it does.

I just had a nice, long talk with the social worker. I had left her a message asking if she could tell me yet when Evan could start the relapse recovery program and could we get him in the minute it was legal.

She called back to say she was hoping Evan could start soon. The payment paper work is done, or nearly so. Unfortunately, the counselor's updated criminal background check is not finished. HOWEVER, since Evan is 18 she is hoping we can get him started anyway.

She said something like, "It sounds like he is doing okay though, right? I mean he said he missed one NA meeting."

YIPEEE!!! She asked! I get to tell!!!!

"Yes. The one he missed was the ONLY one he tried to go to."


We chatted. I told her that he had gone to two Al-Anon meetings to which I had taken him. He had not attended a single AA or NA meeting in the three and a half weeks since he left. She was shocked. She was angry. Evan had very much mislead her and she suspected that the rehab counselor was mislead as well. She said she was going to give her a call right now and talk to her about this.


I also told her that Evan has stopped his anti-anxiety meds and said that he could not get ahold of the doctor to make an appointment, also that Evan said he had left a message with her about this problem.

"I never got a message."

Oh, the relief!

I have been trying very, very hard to follow the path of recovery, do what my sponsor advises, follow the healthy examples of the people in my group. Let Evan make his own decisions, let him deal with the consequences. Do not provoke or prevent a crisis.

So I have been feeling like the good sister knowing her bad sister is getting away with stuff. I know I am not supposed to tattle, so I have been keeping my mouth shut. Finally though, being the sneaky older, good-two-shoes sister that I am, I dropped some hints. The authority figure asked the question, "Has your sister been taking cookies?" I get to be virtuous, blink my eyes and say, "No. She took all of them." Then I can go in my room and sing-song, "She's getting it trouble...she's getting trouble..."

Okay, it is not the exact some thing, but I am experiencing the same guilty pleasure I did experience when I was a child and my sister finally got caught for something and I knew I could tell her "I did NOT tell on you! They asked!"

I know most of you will not get it, because it is an unusual situation, but trying to figure out how to be an effective parent without a controlling co-dependent is not always very clear.

I am so, so, so happy I have the counselor and the social worker.

1 comment:

  1. I don't see it as much different than two neighbors keeping an eye on each others kids. Kids can't get away with a thing.


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