Letting my anxiety be

Evan starts summer school in two weeks. He has not dealt with school without his drug for years. He is, in my opinion, over-committed.

I am seeing the start of school as a the beginning of the hardest part of Evan's recovery journey. Oh part of me knows that I could be wrong about that. It could be that having to get up early every day and staying busy all day will actually be good for him. It is also possible that it will be hard but that he will be rise to the challenge and be just fine.

Still, I think about it. In two weeks (less now), he starts school. He will be, I believe, at high risk for relapse.

I feel very calm about that. He could start using, or not. Who knows? I can't do anything about it and I will be okay either way...sad if he uses, but okay. So all the codependency work is kicking in.

On the other hand I do feel tempted to treat him like a child dying of cancer. I want to enjoy this moment, this day. I remind myself that whatever happens next, this time is good. I want to do something special with him.

Of course I need to keep myself in check. The last thing he needs is someone treating him like a dying child! That really would freak him out.

But I should get some extra special time anyway. The weekend before summer school is the Pride Parade and Festival. It will be a good excuse for a little family fun.