Evan's Story Part 14: "A big deal"

1/20/05

Andrew is expressing more frustration with Evan. I think that things are actually a bit better between them. Since we told Andrew it was okay not to like Evan and to avoid him as necessary, Andrew seems more relaxed. However when they do have areas of conflict, Andrew is talking to me trying to find a way to deal. Conflict with Evan is a constant issue of course.

I have the same problems. This morning I was unloading the dishwasher and Evan came in to get a bowl of cereal. He took the bowl from the cupboard (where obviously
I was trying to put away dishes) and put it on the counter below. He got the cereal out and poured while I stood there, patiently but I thought pointedly staring at him. He turned to get the milk; I put away the glasses, turned to get two more, and nearly ran into as I turned around again. Without thinking about it I assumed he would pick up his damn bowl and take it with him to the refrigerator. It would have been no more steps for him and his big hulking body would not be in my way.

Now I did not say anything. I made a small surprise noise, stopped and sighed (I really don't think it was a loud sigh). If it were Andrew or Brian they would have said "I'm moving!" That might have come out sounding polite or annoyed. I would have said, "okay" which might have sounded understanding or impatient. Still that was all that would have happened.

With Evan though it went something like this:

Evan: "WHAT? What? What's the matter now?"

Me: "I'm just trying to put away the dishes."

Evan: "Yeah. And I'm trying to get my cereal! You don't have to make a big deal about it!"

Me: "Evan, I don't think I am making a big deal about it. Could you please just get out of my way now?"

Evan: "Gawd! Why does everything with you have to be like this? I can't even get a bowl of cereal for breakfast without someone getting on me!"

Now this morning I have a sense of humor and I started teasing him. "I know Evan. You the supreme one. Let all bow before you and wait while you do what you need to do."

Evan (now sounding more jovial -- he actually enjoys this sort of arguing): "You always do this to me. Nothing's easy here is it?"

Me (chuckling, but overly polite): "Evan, could you please move out of the way so I can put way the d*mn dishes now?"

Evan stomped off to his room complaining about not being able to even get a bowl of cereal without being hassled. I have by the way edited down that conversation quite a bit.

I am usually able to turn this into a joke argument with silliness so that Evans leaves frustrated but also smiling.

There was a similar conflict between Evan and Andrew half an hour later. Andrew was in the bathroom combing his hair, putting in contacts, etc. Now Andrew has to leave half an hour earlier so it was not unreasonable for him to say "no" when Evan asked him to get out so he could use the toilet. It plays out differently with them though. Andrew, after saying "no" once just continues doing what he is doing and arguing. Evan stands in the hall and tries to argue with him for a while, finally says, "Why do you have to make such a big deal about everything!" and then stomps downstairs to use the other bathroom.

Later Evan will complain to me that Andrew has to make a big deal out of everything (which seems to mean, "he doesn't do what I want him to do" and Andrew will complain that Evan constantly argues with him and he does not know what to do. Anyway, like I said I think it is a little better now that it is out in the open.

Next post on Evan

Evan's Story Part 1: The Beginning