David's Story Part 55: Relationship Troubles

3/23/05
Mary,

Robert called me yesterday around 3:30 to talk. Please remember that Robert is not always entirely truthful. I’m repeating, not reporting. Robert tells me that he is expecting $5,500 from his grandparents (estate? Gift? I did not ask) and that he told David that he would put use (part of?) it for a down payment on a CAR for David. He had originally said he would go on Monday, but could not because his Jeep's heater was broken and he had driven back to his home town to have it fixed (I do not understand why he cannot get it fixed in The City, perhaps his parents pay for it if he goes to their place?). David was furious and accused Robert of lying (yep...Robert did not do what he said he would, so he lied). He also accused Robert of only going back to his home town so that he could be with another guy. Again according to Robert, David said that he was making a list of everything that Robert had ever said he would do and then did not do. Robert said that he really thought they were going to break up this time. In the past when they nearly broke up he (Robert) felt really sad and wanted to fix everything. This time he just feels calm and a little disappointed. I told him that I understood.

Robert, of course, could be exaggerating or even lying, but much of it fits. It has been clear for a while that David has been making unreasonable demands on Robert (and other people). So the question in my mind is does David at any level actually expect that Robert will take this sort of treatment, or is he trying to sabotage the relationship? And does David understand that his demands are unreasonable?

An hour after dinner David came out of his room furious, "That was Robert on the phone. He thinks I slept with someone else and I never did! We are probably going to be breaking up tonight. Robert will probably come to Our Small Town." David went on several long walks and when he came in at about 8:30 he said, "I have to get to The City tonight. If I have to, I will call a taxi." We all looked at him rather blankly and said, "Okay." There was a pause while he waited, "David, neither of us is going to The City tonight." (Just in case you didn’t notice. Both boys reported that the other falsely accused him of infidelity.)

David went into his room and Robert called me to say that he did not want David to come out and would forbid David from going. I told Robert that he should know better than anyone that I could not control David. Robert said that he was just going to go to the movies so that he would not be there when David showed up.

It took David maybe an hour on the phone to find someone who would drive up from The City. In the end Robert's roommate Sam showed up. David left with a small packed suitcase and a big empty one so that he could bring things back. He said that he thought he would spend the night with another friend.

I told him to let me know if he needed a lift to counseling (I didn’t even pretend he was going to make it to school today). I reminded him we were taking Ann out for dinner and told him he was welcome to come along.

So David did not come home last night, which I knew would be the case. He also is not in school, no big surprise therer. I just called the attendance office and got the information. It is pretty grim.

Period 1 -- 8 absences: Study Skills
Period 2 -- 10 absences: P.E.
Period 3 -- 9 absences: Econ
Period 4 -- 8 absences: English
Period 5 -- 8 absences: Law Enforcment
Period 6 -- 9 absences: Biology

This DOES include today -- we assumed he would be absent for the entire day.

The rule is that you may miss 9 times. At the tenth absence you may petition for credit, if you have a C or better.

I feel so sad -- not angry, just sad.

Ann is back in town for a while (staying with the same family as Db1). We are taking her out to dinner tonight. I'm not going to let this get in the way.

3/24/05
Mary,

We had a good time with Ann last night. I kept trying to call David and then finally I called Robert and left a message. David called me back on Robert's phone. He was not interested in letting me know what was going on, but I took him using Robert's call as a loud message. They are back together. He said that he would be home later that evening, but he did not know when. This morning there was a note on his door saying he had been there but had left with friends.

So it seems obvious that he is not going to show up at school.

I just had a long talk with the social worker. Everyone is ready for the show down. He has too many absences now to get credit for the semester. So he either needs to enroll in the GED program or move into Indpendent Living (which is a nice way of saying "move out"). I don't think there is any chance of him taking the GED option. You know, I'm relieved that he has hit this point with the school.

The only emotion I have left right now is exhaustion. I see no reason to put myself through slow agony waiting for something that is not going to happen.

I was doing really well, emotionally, until David called on Robert's phone. I felt like I was a balloon and someone untied the knot: Feel good....whoosh...feel bad.

David's Story Part 1: The Beginning
David's Story Part 56: Conversation with the Dean of Student