David's Story Part 60: Christmas 2005

For a long time we only saw David ocassionally. Then we saw him a little more. At Thanksgiving he called us and asked if he could spend the day with us. We said yes. He stayed with us for three whole days.

12/29/05
Mary,

Christmas was good. David came over. We picked him up on Christmas Eve and took him to the service. We took him back on the 26th.

It was like it was the first year with David. We all got along so well. He and I played the board game the kids gave me for Christmas and he beat me every time, except the first when he had not really figured out the rules. He played with Andrew and Brian and was generally delightful to be around. It was like we just stepped back in time to the way things were.

I wanted to tell him that he could come home if he wanted to go to Our Small Town High to work on his GED (they have classroom there which is dedicated to helping kids prepare for it). Theoretically he could be here for two months and get it done. I wanted to believe that if I did that it would work out.

But it wouldn't. He has not worked a job (except for occasional hours given to him by people he knows) since he moved out and has not been doing anything towards his getting the GED. He has just been living with friends and letting them support him (I have no idea how he is managing that).

I had to take a break and cry. You should have seen the panic on Hubby’s face when I told him I wanted to ask him to come home. I assured him I wasn’t going to. I told Hubby I felt like I was a really crappy foster mother. Not one of the three boys held jobs while they were here. David didn’t even graduate from high school. We are supposed to be preparing them for adulthood and we are not succeeding.

Hubby made me feel better. He pointed out that we are doing something very different. What we have given, are giving, all three boys is the knowledge of a healthy family and their ability to live in one. We bring them into contact with a part of the gay community they otherwise would not know.

It’s funny. I stop thinking about having goals related to them being gay. I mean, when one boy leaves we save the room for the next GLBT kid who needs it, but I think of that as just being so that they will have a place to go. Hubby really thinks that our role in their lives is to give them a healthy space in which they can become happier and more self-accepting. He doesn’t really care if they get jobs.

David's Story Part 61: Reflections
David's Story Part 1: The Beginning