Saturday, July 08, 2006

Preparing to Leave Evan Alone

I think I have the safety net for Evan set up.

His therapists have agreed to call the SW if he does not show up for either of his two weekly appointments. I told Evan that the SW will drop by to take him to the hospital since I know the only reason he would miss them was that he was sick. Evan shrugged and said, "I don't care. I'll go to the appointments."

I told the neighbors that he would be alone and not to feel any hesitancy at all about calling the police if there is any loud partying going on. Though he had previously told me that of course he would not be throwing any parties, he said, "You're kidding right? You didn't! I can't believe you did that!"

I will be taking him to the grocery store later today and letting him pick a few things that I would not normally buy that are easy to cook. He has a new bike and there is a grocery store is about 12 blocks away and a large chain drug store that sells milk just a couple of blocks away, so he should be able to supplement as needed. I bought him a cheap plastic envelop to put receipts for any groceries that he buys while I am gone. There are also quite a few fast food chains within walking distance (for which I will not reimburse him). He won't starve.

I have told several people that he is home alone and told Evan that they may drop in on him periodically to see if he needs anything. One elderly couple promised to invite him over for a good meal. I still need to call his grandmother whom I know really will drop by a few times. "You are just trying to keep me from having sex." "Evan, there is no way I could have people dropping by often enough to prevent that."

I still have to finish writing out the list of numbers of friendly moms and dads in the area whom he can call to ask for advice or a lift the next time they are going shopping. Our house is kid central, so all these people owe me.

I do still have to finish writing the list of phone numbers of friends and neighbors that he can call. And I need to make up the batch of pizza dough and freeze in individual portions like I said I would.

His SW is double-checking on his mother's release date, but it looks like it will be after she gets back from her wedding, so that is good. I have two "safe houses" that he can go to if he needs. I don't think he is going to be in danger. Certainly his mother would not hurt him. She however doesn't understand why he doesn't like her boyfriend (aka "The Big Bad Wolf") and could easily decide she wants to see her boy and ask the Big Bad Wolf to give her a ride. It's likely that BBW would not do anything other than glare at him, but it should only be a couple of days between the release date and our return and if Evan decides he wants to spend them elsewhere, he can.

There are at least three things going on with all of this: I am satisfying my motherly needs and making myself feel better (which may be the primary factor at work); I am giving Evan a few things that he actually needs or at least feels safer having; and finally I am emotionally taking care of the little boy in Evan who did not have a mommy who would do these sorts of things for him when he really needed it. He rolls his eyes and even protests a bit, but he smiles too.

So now all I have to do is get us ready to leave.


  1. It sounds like you're maintaining a healthy balance between "mothering" (do to speak) and "smothering"

  2. Thanks...I'm wondering if telling his grandmother that he is alone is going too far. Everyone else I am telling Evan does not have a relationship with. Everything else I have done has been happy about, even if he complains. Grandma though...


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