I brought David home from Sunday night youth group and we have a conversation that I found disturbing...though maybe that is too strong of a word.
Do you remember when I told you about how David was caught between two boys who were apparently fighting over him? When the boy who is not Robert got tired of it and has stopped talking to either of them. Ever since then David has been deflated.
A couple of weeks ago a friend of Robert's, Greg, came to town. Before David met Greg he said, I'm so worried that Greg is going to fall in love with me like all of Robert's friends have. That poor boy just keeps losing all his friends that way!"
Greg has been coming to The City every weekend and David has once again maneuvered himself into looking totally innocent and yet making Robert crazy.
Robert of course plays his part in this little dance. He predictably gets angry. He does not think of reasonable responses and he cannot ignore the behavior. It is like two siblings. One does seemingly innocent things which she knows is going to piss off the other. As a parent you want to knock both of them over the head. The other complains, "She just does that to annoy me!" "Yes," you reply, "and you fall for it every time."
Anyway, I asked David about Sam and Robert's new apartment. I learned that it is near the mall and has two bedrooms and two baths. The building is ugly, but the apartment is nice. I suggested to him that given his complicated relationship with Robert it would not be a good idea to move in with them. "Yeah. But I am pretty sure Sam would kick Robert out and let me stay if things got bad. Sam likes me a lot better than he does Robert."
"But that would be very ugly."
"Yeah. It would. Robert just has to realize that his friends are my friends too and they all like me better than him."
--I am having very complicated feelings towards David right now. He seemed so monstrous. I hope this is just teenage stuff. I really, really do. Do you remember high school? Weren't some of the girls like this? More interested in what they could get guys to do than anything else? Did they grow out of it?
God, being around that must be annoying. I hope you gave him a little guidance. And yes, it does sounds exactly like some of the jockettes we went to school with, doesn't it? I assume that most of them grow out of it. But he sounds very, very spoiled -- not by you, but by his friends and by Robert. Robert really needs to get out of this relationship; David is obviously just having a wonderful time with him. It may take being walked out on by a few older and more mature men for him to snap out of this self-centeredness of his.
You sure you don't want him to move out?
And, by the way, I think this explains a lot about his reactions to the whole stay there/move out question. He is obviously getting very used to having his own way as he meets more of these guys who are willing to indulge him. Being confronted by a situation where no one was willing to go along with his posturing must have been very frustrating for him.
I suspect that you are right about the sources of David's anxiety.
About wanting him to move out -- like I said I am having complicated feelings towards him. I have a strong maternal commitment to him. You know, the way you feel about your niece? You want to hit her over the head and yet you take care of her at the same time.
David's Story Part 1: The Beginning
David's Story Part 49 : Reflections