David's Story Part 37: Asking Ruby for Help

1/10/05
Ruby,

I wanted you to know that though I thought that my heart to heart with David on Friday morning would make a difference.

It did not. We friends over on Friday evening. Though David usually joins us, he did not come out of his room even to say hello to them. He left with Kevin early in the evening and did not come back to Our Small Town until I picked him up after youth group on Sunday. Though he chatted to me on the way home, when he got there he went straight into his room. He did not even say hello to Hubby or to the boys.

I don't think that there is anything that can be said that will change his behavior.
He will listen to us quietly and say "OK" if necessary to get us to shut up, but otherwise he will just wait for the lecture to be over and then do what he wants to do. I think instead we simply need to concentrate on how we will be changing our behavior.

There are two problems as Hubby and I see it: that he is not working and that he is not acting like a member of the family. The second problem is painful, but we could learn to accept it. If we make our minds up to it we can cope. Well, we can if he at least starts talking to Hubby again. Hubby is feeling very hurt by the total freeze-out.

The first problem must be resolved.

Anyway, since rational conversation is not working I have been listed what I can withhold from him:

-stop giving him free rides to The City. He arranges his own transportation or he pays me ($10/trip or 48 hours possession of his cell phone).
-I stop giving him allowance or buying things for him (shampoo, deodorant...etc)
-Perhaps I should even stop buying him special foods that make it easier for him not to eat dinner with us

I already told him that if he does not start talking to Hubby that Hubby will go with him to visits with counselor. That might be a good idea anyway.

-----

Ruby suggested we meet at the office in the middle of the week. We did. We talked about the needs of the family. About how Hubby felt and how it was important for David to respect everyone. I remember that it was not just us and Ruby, the supervisor of social workers showed up too. When she walked in David suddenly realized it was serious. It was a good meeting. I felt like we made progress.

The weekend rolled around and David packed a bag and said he had a ride to The City. He would see me after youth group on Sunday.

David's Story Part 1: The Beginning
David's Story Part 38: Feeling Confused