David's Story Part 41: His Brother

1/26/05
Mary,

I found out yesterday that David's brother Db1 was moved. I am still a bit deflated by it.

When we had lunch with them in December (Db1 and his foster parents and brothers) his foster mom was talking about how much they adored Db1. They had had him for about a year and they were so pleased.

Then in the beginning of January Db1 drew pictures and words threatening violence.
The social worker thinks it was a bid for attention, not a serious threat. In any case, it landed him in the children's ward of the mental hospital (where David spent two days last year) and then a re-placement.

It turns out that David had spoken to Db1’s mom right after all this had happened.
He had not told me. One of the reasons he has been so angry with his social worker is that he has been waiting for her to tell him. Anyway, the mom left him with the impression that she wanted him back and that the agency would not give him back. Db1's social worker left me with the impression that the mom had given up.

I am upset because they moved Db1 to the home that they have been trying to place Ann into. This home was the first place I had heard of that sounded like it could possibly work for Ann -- and it won't work for either of them if they are both there.

1/26/05

I really don't know how much his anxiety over his brother affected everything else that was going on for him. It has been a trying month. Of course much of the turmoil has been of his own making. I just don't know.

It took a while to put the whole story together but I was finally able to get all the information. What happened was:

The mom found drawings in which Db1 drew himself committing acts of violence against other children in the home.

The mom called his worker and demanded that he be picked up that day. That is seriously not cool in the agency for which I work. If you need to call 911 because a child is a threat to self or others, then you do. If you are exhausted and need respite you call the social worker and they arrange it as soon as they can. But Db1 was no threat. His behavior was fine. All he did was draw pictures, which is actually a fairly healthy outlet for angry feelings.

The mom and David had a phone conversation that David did not tell anybody about. For two or three weeks he was angry at all of us, waiting for someone to tell him. However neither I nor the social worker knew what had happened. It turned out we weren't being told because Db1 was afraid that David would be angry at him for losing another family and did not want him to know.

The family wanted Db1 back, right after they “fixed” him. The mom apparently cried on the phone to David more than once about how terrible the agency was being to them. All they wanted was help for Db1 and then they wanted him back.

In the end the family lost their license with the agency and Db1 was found a new home. I am certain that the decision was based upon more than their reaction to Db1's drawings, but I don't know what else there was. As far as I know they continued to work for the state.

For David it was all very upsetting. David is not particularly close to his brothers, but he feels responsible for them. He rarely called his brothers, but he would regularly call their foster parents. He wants to know that someone else is taking care of them.

Oh, and Db1 was right. David was angry at him. David was angry at everybody.

I still have no idea how much this factored into David's behavior.

David's Story Part 1: The Beginning
David's Story Part 42: A Whole New Conflict