David's Story Part 58: The Appointment with the Counselor

3/31/05

David did not show for the appointment.

I had sent the counselors copies of the various emails that I had sent Lisa in the past week. I was hoping that seeing all of that would help him to understand that I was committed to my plan of action. I was really nervous that he was going to try to persuade me to let David keep on foot in our house and the rest in The City. That is not what happened though. The counselor’s attitude was that things were clearly over; David had made his decisions, even if he was not saying them out loud.

Hubby and I left the counselor’s office early so that we could get to agency before they left for the evening. We told Robin that we were going to pack up David’s things and bring them down. Her response was, if you are not in a hurry, we could pick them up in the next week or so.

Robin told me that our family is wonderful, that we had done everything possible, that David would understand and keep in touch. I am not confident about the David understanding part.

When I think about everything from the outside it seems very wrong of us to move David out without talking to him, without giving him a second chance. I am convinced though that David would not have taken the second chance, and he would not have told us that he was not taking it. If I had left a voice mail saying we needed to talk he would have ignored it. If I said that we needed to talk about him moving out he would have jumped to “they are kicking me out.” If I tracked him down and made him talk to me, he would either decide that I had kicked him out and play the victim, or he would have been passive until I finally did. In other words, waiting might have eased my guilt, but I really don’t think it will change anything else.

Besides I only have what I think of as external guilt anyway. I don’t actually think I am doing the wrong thing, but I don’t want other people to think I have. That is not enough.

Andrew and Brian were fine with this. The conversation went something like, “Don’t put that new movie into the player. All of David’s things have to be packed up. “Do we have to help?!” “No. Just don’t start the movie without me.” “Okay!” Later I asked them how they felt about David leaving. They said fine. Brian in particular seems to have concluded that David had moved out a while ago. We were just being really nice and bringing him his things to The City for him.

Anyway, I left the message on David’s phone just before lunch. I told him that we loved him and that we had tried to meet him at his counselor’s to talk about everything. He wasn’t there but everyone else agreed that it was tearing him a part to be trying to live in two cities at the same time and that we thought he needed to be in The City. I told him that I was really sorry he was not at the meeting when we were making these decisions. I told him he was still part of our family no matter where he lived.

David's Story Part 1: The Beginning
David's Story Part 59: Visiting David