David's Story Part 57: Final Plan

3/26/05
Lisa,

Hubby and I have been thinking about things. First, I left you a voice mail, but let me document in email that David did not come home on the bus on Friday. His medium-size suitcase was gone and his phone would not accept messages. Eventually I tried Robert's phone, which gave me the same "this subscriber is unable to accept voice mail at this time" message. Robert sent me a text message late Friday evening saying that David was at his house.

We have decided that it is basically time to push the little bird out of the nest -- although we don't want to prevent him from getting this semester's credits at Our Small Town High if doing so is his goal.

David has an appointment with Ted on Wednesday. I don't know if he will come home or contact us before then, so we thought we would show up for that. I plan to tell David:

1. We love him and will continue to love him after he moves out, whenever that is.
2. We have accepted that he is going to move out no later than early June. Though we have talked in the past about wanting him to stay until he graduates, we understand that that is not what he wants, and we have accepted it. We have also realized that we need to be ready to move on with our lives too. We need to be open to thepossibility that there is another young person who needs from us what he no longer does.
3. We think it only makes sense for him to stay until June if he is making progress on educational goals. We are not going to monitor his attendance or kick him out if he cuts school. He is in charge of his life and his decisions. However, we want to say very clearly that we think he is ready to take care of himself. If he decides that he is not going to be accomplishing any educational goals, we will let him go. No fights, no anger.

I feel very calm and confident about this.

The only thing that I am not 100% on is timing and venue.

Robin, if you prefer for me to wait until the after Lisa is back, I will be happy to do so. I am ready to have this conversation on Wednesday, but I can put it off a week.

Also, I don't know for certain how the counselor will react. He has wanted for us to let David keep one foot in our house and one outside until he graduates. He keeps telling me that what David is doing as normal transitioning behavior for young adults. I understand that, but I still believe this is the right thing to do. I am going to tell David, as lovingly as possible, that he can stay as long as he is progressing towards a degree. If that it is not a goal he can commit to, then it is time to fly away.

Lisa and Robin agreed that we could give our ultimatum to David at his Wednesday counseling session without her.

By the way, this weekend was Easter. Easter is a big deal in our house. It was a big deal that he was not home; that he would not answer the phone; that he did not tell us he was not coming home for the holiday.

David's Story Part 1: The Beginning
David's Story Part 58: The Appointment with the Counselor