Thursday, July 06, 2006

Evan's Story Part 4: Settling in and News of David


Maine was wonderful, but now it is back to life. Evan has moved in. He is still in the summer program in The City” and internship is at a restaurant 20 miles from here. He says the expectation is that he will get a job there. I won't know what I think about that until I see how long it takes to drive there. He does not have a driver's license and won't for many months. Even then, will he have insurance? Will I have to drive him? I told him that driving him there for his internship was not a problem. On the other hand, I will not want to do it indefinitely. I really hope that he gets a job in Our Small Town instead.

I am trying not to be too hopeful about Evan's apparent maturity...I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe though he will be as responsible as he seems. He does have his faults. He has more than once asked me a question and then interrupted the answer with a tangential comment -- seeming to have forgotten the question and no longer caring about the answer. I used to let him do it, but now I tell him to shut up and let me finish. He laughs and lets me. Like any kid he must be reminded to do his chores -- and then reminded again -- and finally told that he will not be given a ride to wherever it is that he wants to go until he does them. He has a tendency to tell me not to get so worked up about something, which I still have to tell him I don't like. I will though. I suppose it is a left over from dealing with my father, but I hate to be told that I should not feel the way I feel.

Well, I took Evan shopping for clothes today. We got:
3 pair of jeans, 2 long-sleeve button-up shirts, 2 polo shirts, 1 T-shirt, boxers, under shirts, socks, 1 pair of shoes, a robe, a belt and a wallet.

The grand total was $350. I will be mailing in the receipts soon. I told him that I would be buy get him a winter coat soon, but that otherwise he is done until 2006. After that I told him that he would have a budget of $50/month.

I was really pleased with the some of the deals we got -- the robe was under $10.
We had a hard time finding him jeans. He is hard to fit. One of the pairs was expensive -- more than I have ever paid for a pair of pants -- but I got them anyway. He was really fun to shop with. About half way through he asked if we could go out to the van to put the bags in it. "I used to wish that I could be one of those people who walked in the mall holding lots of bags...but I guess I really do want to put these down." When we were done he kept saying, "I've NEVER done that before -- just bought everything I need at one time!"

He couldn’t stop talking about it. As soon as we got home he asked if he could call his cousin. I said yes. “Hey. Guess what I did today? No guess!”

Tomorrow we will go back to the school and get him officially registered.

Evan went to youth group today -- like he does every Sunday. I spoke to Jose after. I told him that I did not know if I wanted to ask for an update on David. I hear rumors, but there is nothing that I can or would do about it. I am resigned to the fact that he will go through various unhealthy relationships indefinitely. Jose gave me some information though. Last he heard David was living with a man named John. John is in his early 30's and Jose has nothing good to say about him. In the process of talking to me Jose said, "He (David) has no respect for you at all." Jose was not trying to hurt me, he was expressing anger at David. Still, it makes me feel bad, but in a confused sort of way.

On one had it seems obvious that I would feel badly that he is saying whatever he is saying about me. I took care of him for a year and a half. I tried really hard to help him, to be a mother to him. He rejected that -- but in a very manipulative way. I had to be the bad guy.

But I guess that I am surprised that I am not more hurt. He calls me sometimes -- just to chat. It seems to me that we have a friendly relationship now. I think that he does like me, and that he tells other people that I am awful because it serves his purposes.

I think I wish I could just be p*ssed at him and write him off.

Evan mentioned having communicated with his older brothers. I don't know how long it has been.

His teen-aged sister calls him regularly. For a while she was blaming him for getting their mother back in jail, but it sounds like she has moved past that now. Evan wants to be able to see his baby sister regularly. He is, reasonably, concerned that she not forget him. He is a very proud older brother.

Evan has good things to say about most of his family. I think this is really good for his self-image. I would like for him to have as much contact as he wants with his relatives. He has not yet asked for an address for the grandmother in Ireland, but he I expect he would appreciate that.

When Evan came into care the official record showed that he had no family. His father had died (suicide) when Evan was three and no one really knew anything about the paternal family. His mother's only blood relative is her mother who lives in Ireland.

No one seemed to understand how close he was to his teenage sister's biological family. The "adopted" him when he was three. When people ask which side of the family his grandmother is on he says, "My sister's side of the family."

Evan's Story Part 1: The Beginning
Evan's Story Part 5: Sex Ed at Youth Group

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