Sunday, July 02, 2006

David's Story Part 51: Two Weeks of Quiet

The first two weeks of March 2005 were fairly quiet. David spent the weekends in The City and school nights with us. Since he had been told that he could only spend one night a week away I reported his transgressions to Lisa along with the information that I was not even going to reprimand him for it.

David and the family got along fine.

David had an appointment with a psychiatrist whom he had previous decided was a "bad guy." Hubby graciously agreed to go with him and came home and said that David was quite civil. "I did not want to hit him over the head" was what I reported in an email as his exact description.

His fissures came back, though not as bad as before. We did not react very much, I just bought him fiber supplements and asked if he had more of his medicine.

I emailed Lisa quite a bit, trying to set up a time to talk about rules for David and summer. We missed each other a couple of times.

I don't know exactly what it was that David was trying to convince Lisa to do, but I know that I thought she was being manipulated. I sent her the following, purely as education:

David claims that he NEVER lies. His commitment to not lying seems to have resulted in some pretty sophisticated methods of dealing with truth. He is very good at only giving part of the information and letting people come to false conclusions (and not correcting them even though he realizes that they believe something false). He also understands saying "yes" to mean "I have heard what you said so you can stop talking but I have not promised anything"

For example,

ME: "David, you may go out, but you have to be home before midnight."


Me: "David, I need you to acknowledge what I said. Do you understand?"

David: "Yes."

Then later, when I reprimand him for coming home at 1:00am, "I never said I would be home by midnight. You said it, but I never agreed."

BUT -- David does not accept that OTHER people might not have meant everything that he thought they did.

For example, to over-simplify our conversations,

When we first met:
David: "My main concern about moving to Our Small Town is that all of my friends live in The City."

Me: "I understand that. We do come to The City fairly often, so you would get to see them. I believe that maintaining those relationships is important."

David: "I only agreed to come to Our Small Town on the condition that I be given transportation to The City. The social worker promised and you promised."

David's Story Part 1: The Beginning
David's Story Part 52: Escalation

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