Sunday, February 19, 2006

A plan and resulting calm

After a series of phone calls yesterday a "high ranking official" at the CFP assured us that she would make getting Evan to the rehab center a top priority on Monday. If it could be done, he would be on a plane that very day.

Evan's symptoms settled down somewhat. His anxiety lowered; his appetite came back; his blood pressure and pulse came down a little.

It is possible that this was just the effect of KNOWING when he was going. It is also that once he knew when he was going he could create a plan for rationing his remaining stash. Either way is okay with me. After seeing him at the worst moments I have no doubts that this is a genuine addiction needing real rehab. I understand that he would perfer to be shaking and crying and even yelling and swearing in front of trained professions. He does not want me to see him the way he was yesterday.

Partly this is about caring about me. Mostly though this is a very understandable foster care child (well...human) response. I realize now that Evan has never moved past the "honeymoon" stage. He has been using the codeine to help keep himself "nice." One of the things that he will have to learn in recovery, if he is to recover, is that he will be loved even if all those rough edges and general ugly parts show every now and then.

Yesterday I called the local detox unit to find out if they could do anything for him that I was not. I described how I was monitoring his blood pressure and pulse and what medications the physicians had given me to give him. They said they hated to chase away business, but I was doing everything they could do. I told Evan that and he said, "And they probably don't have video games there, right?" "Right." Apparently killing virtual monsters helps distract him. That's fine. We have temporarily relaxed our strict rules about "electronic" time. Evan can watch TV and play video games all day if it helps.

At one point while I was talking to the center the man said, "I don't know what a 'foster friend' is." Huh? Foster friend? Who said THAT! I realized that I must have. My word issues are getting worse, or it is just that I am tense and tired. I often use the wrong word, or fail to remember the word I need. I often joke that the only word I don't loose is "aphasia." In fact I once named a pet "Aphasia" so I wouldn't forget her name. (Look it'll get it.)

The kids have a sense of humor about it. I will be trying to get Evan's attention and I will say, "An..Br...Evan!" "Did you just call me Anbrevan?"

But "foster friend." I had no idea I had said that. I think maybe I like it.

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