Evan's mom

Evan's mother called him yesterday.

Whenever I pick up the phone and get that automated message asking us if we will accept a call from the prison I am tempted simply to hang up. I don't. I ask Evan if he wants to speak to his mother. He says yes. I push "1," hand over the phone and smile. A while later he will be finding me to talk.

There are re-occurring themes in these conversations. Mom's basic message has been that Evan owes her. After all, it is his fault that she is in prison and his sisters are separated from their mother. Given his enormous debt to her and her extreme need he should visit, send books, and even send money.

When he talks about it he says he knows he is being manipulated, but he doesn't know what he wants to do. Should he visit her? Maybe he could send her a book. It was troubling, but he had some emotional distance and perspective. He would think about sending her things, but he never did.

Yesterday though...she has a whole new angle. She was upset over the death of Evan's cousin. She told Evan how horrible it would be if anything happened to him or his sisters. She said she was going to be on her best behavior so she could get out quickly and be with them all again. Then she told him that if she didn't get money soon she would loose her storage locker where she had all the precious photographs of her children.

He went right out and got the money order.

It hurts so to watch him go through this. He wants his mother to say that she loves him. He wants her to say that she knows it was her responsibility to protect him from his abuser, not his to hide the abuse. He wants her to be sorry for choosing his abuser over him. He told me that his cousin's death really shook her up.

He wants to believe that the death of his cousin has produced a life-changing epiphany. Her priorities will suddenly turn around and she will be the mother that he knows she can be.

Last night he had a nightmare.

Next: Codeine Problem