Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Evan's addition continued

Yesterday I picked Evan up early and took him to the medical doctor. The doctor was actually must gentler with him than I thought. He immediately fell into the same attitude that we have been using: trying to support Evan as he makes this change.

Of course Evan has not really committed to making this change. He believes that (1) he really needs the codeine to help him make it through the day; (2) he is in control; (3) it is not really all that bad, especially given all the drugs he could be doing; and (4) it has health risks so he will investigate alternatives.

Of course all the adults see a tension between 1 & 2. He however is a teenager and is able to face a tension right in the eye. Hell, he can leap over contradictions with a single bound.

I really don't know how he will react when he gets down to the reality. His psychiatrist will prescribe an anti-depressant, or something, which will help him to cope better, but that drug will not erase the "too-bright colors and sharp edges" that Evan talks about.

But I am trying not to "borrow trouble." Sufficient unto each day...or whatever.

So yesterday Evan saw the medical doctor who ordered a blood test to make certain that the Tylenol has not done any liver damage. This, of course, took Evan by surprise. Everyone thinks that Tylenol is a safe drug. It is, within the limits. Take too much and you can do real and permanent damage to your liver.

I also took him to the drug testing place. It took a while for the woman to understand that we were not there for the rapid screening test. We KNEW he had codeine in his system. We needed the full test to see how much there was.

And that is not entirly clear. He went from telling us that he started taking one pill a day sometime last autumn. Then it was two pills a day, but none on the weekends. Now it is two pills in the morning, one at noon, and he is not certain how many on the weekends (though it is less), and he has been doing it for 2 years.

Last evening he said that he was feeling snappy because he had not taken any. I congratulated him. Today he says he cannot go to school. Is that because he has not taken the pills, or because he has?

The social worker is still working on the drug addiction assessment appointment. It looks like we cannot get him into the psychiatrist until the 24th, although I have him on the canellation list.

So I am stressed. My sabbatical is winding down and I really, really have to crank on the project. I am making real progress and I am pleased with how it is turning out. On the other hand, worrying about Evan and taking him to appointments is eating into my time. This much I can handle.

However, I got an email yesterday. Yesterday that house passed the anti-gay marriage ammendment bill (as expected) and the Senate hearing is expected on Friday. All the people watching say that it will pass the committee and die on the floor. I had committed to testifying at the hearing. It's important to me and I said I would do it. I don't know if I can.

The past 40 hours I have been just doing everything that needed to be done -- the model of efficiency. I have been the calm, organized, supportive person that Evan needs me to be. Now's slipping.

Oh I will get it back. I will be calm and strong again soon, but not just now.

He has been addicted to codeine for longer than I have known him. I have images of his future that terrify me. I have no ability to imagine what the immediate future will be like. How hard will it be for him to get clean? How difficult will it be for the family? I'm stressed because I don't know what to expect and I don't know how to prepare myself of the boys for it.

How long ago was it that I was worrying that this placement was too easy?

Next: I'm not superstitious but...

1 comment:

  1. You will prevail - at least that's what I try to tell myself.

    I was disappointed in the result as well and I hope it will die a quick death one more time.

    I've been keeping up with a blog called The Subversive Librarian. Your state may be just a little better than Florida.


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