Sunday, February 26, 2006


Andrew does not like Evan.

Have I ever mentioned that?

They both always have to right. Andrew, having grown up with me, makes arguments. He will point out inconsistencies in your position, ask you questions and then pounce. (Socrates would be proud). Unfortunately, he is not always nice about it (Socrates would be proud).

Evan just has to be right. He is not used to making an argument and he is not pleased when others are not intimidated with his size, volume and bluster.

Every now and then either one of them will come to me complaining, "He just always has to have his own way." I now I just nod.

For a while I tried to help them work things out, get along better. I eventually admitted I was powerless over their relationship (1st step) and let them work it out. They did...Like a couple of tom cats (not the sort that want me dead, fortunately) the divided up the house. Without ever actually agreeing on a time schedule they have worked out a way of hardly ever being in the same room at the same time. Even though their usual job is to clean up the kitchen after dinner, they have figure out a way to divide the work so that one can do his part and the second can finish later. The thing is, once they felt perfectly free avoiding each other, they interacted a little more. I mean, there were times when they would both be watching the same show on television for a whole hour. Eventually of course one will criticize some aspect of the show, they will argue and one will leave.

I asked Andrew what he thought about Evan coming back. He was pretty clear. He does NOT want it to be like it was those two horrible weeks. However, if things settle down he would be fine with Evan staying.

Andrew knows that if Evan does not come back, there will be another kid. We will take our time, but they will call again and we will eventually say yes. If there is going to be a foster kid in the house it might as well be the one with whom he has already worked out the territorial disputes.

Andrew is a "child who fosters." He is part of a fostering family, but that does not mean that he is expected to be a good roll model. He is not expected to always be nice. What he and Evan are doing may not be what I think of as ideal domestic bliss, but it is healthy. They are both developing skills for negotiating and coping with people they do not especially like. It is good for both of them.


  1. I agree and it would be same (almost) with actual sibs wouldn't it?

    Except sibs stay of course. We have squabbles. I say settle it. They do or don't.

  2. I think so...if I recall correctly, my sister and I got along less well than they do.

  3. "They did...Like a couple of tom cats (not the sort that want me dead, fortunately) the divided up the house."

    Speaking as a person trying to turn a kennel dog into a house dog, I encourage you to drop to your knees and pray to God that they don't start spraying the couch to warn each other off.


Comments will be open for a little while, then I will be shutting them off. The blog will stay, but I do not want either to moderate comments or leave the blog available to spammers.