Monday, September 18, 2006

Update on the update

I just re-read my last post and I realized I was not clear about the nature of my various anxieties.

I have concerns for Evan's safety: physically and emotionally. Those however I can "let go" of. I will probably continue to worry about him, but I accept that he has to make his own journey.

My other concern is this: there are men about whom I know nothing in my house.

When I originally gave Evan permission to have his boyfriend over I was imagining one person whom Evan knew fairly well who would not rob me blind. Now I just don't know. It is not clear to me how many men we are talking about, how old they are, how Evan finds them, anything.

I know what my next step is: a conversation with our shared counselor. I think Evan is more likely to be honest with her and she is more likely to be able to get him to agree on some clear standard for determining trustworthiness.

Anyway, I will allow those conversations to happen and make no decisions until after that.

Conversations with Evan can be so bizarre. The reason that I am dealing with this anxiety is that he was trying to reassure me. Part of the conversation we had the other day was:

Me: "And of course you know that multiple partners increases risk."

Evan: "Well right now there are only about four or five."

Does anybody, anybody, think that I would find that reassuring?


  1. You are being much calmer about everything than I would be in the same situation. "No, you may not bring your lovers to the house, period!!!"

    If I was feeling generous, I'd say he could bring them, but only after I'd met them and had a sit-down dinner with them.

    I'd be worried, for all the reasons you have mentioned, too.

    I have a lot of gay male friends, and so many of them engage in risky sexual behavior when they are young. One of my dearest friends is an incredible slut, and I worry that he's either going to come down with a terrible, incurable disease or that he'll be injured, robbed or worse by some guy he doesn't know.

    I wish it were easier to pound sense into people...

  2. Frontal lobe development not done yet! The causal relationship, if I do this, than this will/can happen is NOT there yet. Frustrating for those of us who see ahead clearly. Personally? I wouldn't allow Evan to bring anyone over that you didn't know well without an adult being home. Too much liability, too scary, and I don't want to worry about who is in my house. But that is me!


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