Prison release today

Hubby finally got Evan off to stay with his baby sister in The City. Today they go to Mom's graduation. I think, but am not really positive, that the graduation is from a special rehabilitation program. In any case, it is at 11:00 and at noon she walks out a free woman.

She called last night, worried that Evan might not make it, worried that her daughters wouldn't make it. On one hand I think I do understand the why she was putting so much pressure on Evan. She does not have unlimited phone calls. She was able to call one person, who won't be able to call her back. She wanted Evan to tell her that he had talked to his sisters and everything was set; they would all be there tomorrow. What he did have to say was that he would be there, and he was sure his baby sister would too, but that he had not heard from the 14-year-old and could guarantee nothing. Mom was upset, wanting Evan to promise that he would make certain middle sister would be there, but of course that was not in Evan's ability to promise.

It was upsetting for him.

He also has mixed feelings about the rehabilitation program, and I am right there with him. I remember when my father first joined AA and I felt like everyone would expect me to happy about it. I was not. I did not think it would stick and even if he did manage to get/stay sober I did not expect his behavior to me to suddenly be better. (I was right on both counts. His sobriety is a fragile thing and though he stopped being mean, he is still capable of being very hurtful.)

At least I did not have to go to a party and celebrate the beginning of his new life.

Evan has clear evidence that his mother is not rehabilitated with respect to him. She has taken no responsibility for what she has done, or rather what she has failed to do. It appears that if her relationship with Evan's abuser is over (and it might not be) it is only because the abuser has moved on. She seems to think that Evan is being silly in refusing to be anywhere near the man who beat him.

She does not understand that Evan does not owe her anything. It is not his fault that she is is prison and separated from her daughters. It is not his job to make life in prison more comfortable by sending her books and money. It is not his job to bring her street clothes to wear when she leaves prison. It is not his job...

You get the idea.

So today, Evan will have to be with his mother and the rest of the family. He anticipates that his mother will be self-congratulatory and self-righteous. He is not certain how the rest of the family will act; and he is not positive that his abuser will not show up at some point. At least the abuser will not be at the prison ceremony -- what with all the warrants out for his arrest and all.

But I wonder what she expects will happen next with Evan. I don't know how much was explained to her about the premanency program Evan is in. Does she think he will move back with her? Has she been imagining that he will be there, as he was before, to care for the baby (now a four-year-old) while she does whatever she does? Or does she understand that he is not coming back? He is nearly 19 afterall. And how will Evan cope knowing his baby sister is with his mother, and with whoever she is with, without her big brother to protect and care for her?

I have so many questions, but no answers.

[For those who are not long-time readers of the blog, the boyfriend beat Evan in an attempt to keep Evan from attending a support group for queer kids. Evan went anyway. The youth group leader called the police, and the resulting investigation turned up parole violations on his mother. His mom quickly gave temporary guardianship of baby sister to a friend, in whom Evan has confidence. Middle sister was already in her father's custody, so Evan was the only one who ended up in care.]