Sunday, June 17, 2007

Not Father's Day

We don't celebrate Father's Day or Mother's Day when we have kids here on respite, and we seem always to have kids here on one day or the other.

Oh the boys will quietly tell their father Happy Father's Day and if Hubby wants to go out to a movie or anything, they'll go. I'll cook one of the things that I know he likes for dinner, and he will know why.

But it is all very ... stealthy.

I always figure these days are pretty much "foster child hell days." A day in which we celebrate all that they don't have. For kids here on respite it is especially painful but even for my most secure permanent-placement kids, it is bitter-sweet at best. On Father's Day they look at Hubby and wonder what if they had had a father like that.

What if their father helped them with the homework and did not get shot by other gang members, or imprisoned for attacking their mothers, or simply disappeared? What is when their mothers brought new men into their lives it was someone quiet who liked kids and respected their boundaries and did not molest or beat them, sell their belongings, and say such horrible things?

No, these days are for them days of "what if's", of watching everyone else celebrate what they should have had but did not.

When all the kids in the house have been here for a long time, we celebrate, but still keep it low key. Carl, David, Evan participate to the degree they wish. They usually tell Hubby "Happy Father's Day" and if there is going to be any eating out they certainly want in on it. However, if they prefer to spend the day at the movies with friends, they know they will be allowed.

So in our house it will be a day much like any other day. It's not Father's Day here.

Just a day, like any other day, except one in which Hubby gets some stealthy extra attention.

1 comment:

  1. That is nice that you don't play up the day- having babies- they don't really know what day it is anyway. Being single makes it a non issue in my house but your post will make me second guess Mother's Day if I have older ones. :)


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