It's not as much fun as you would think...

I'm talking about having a child in counseling.

I mean, you might think it would be just a barrel of laughs, but really, it is not so much fun. And, I can speak with authority here, it is even less fun when you are the birth mother. Because, you know, you get to be responsible for everything.

So let's say there was this time years ago when you and your husband went on a trip and it upset your son very, very much but he would not talk about it. Your husband always worried that Something Awful happened but you said that you thought it was really just that you left him when he didn't want to be left. Of course your husband replied, "That can't be the only thing. It can't be just that we left."

But there is no knowing because your son won't talk about it, and you keep agreeing that it is okay, he doesn't have to talk about it.

And that is the way it stays for years. You think that your son was upset because you left when he really did not want to be left; your husband is worried about Something Awful; and the kid ain't talking. You dutifully bring it up whenever he meets with a new counselor, but the kid doesn't want to talk about it and you all agree that he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to.

Then one day your son goes to counseling with Dad because it is Dad's turn and you are feeling a little (though perhaps unreasonably) annoyed with the counselor, even though (or perhaps because) she is getting him to express things that he needs to express that no one else has been able to help him express. When they come home Husband is happy that Son made a break-through. He finally talked about The Weekend and it turns out that there was no Something Awful, "It was just that we left him even though he really didn't want to be left! He was really upset and afraid we wouldn't come back. He couldn't believe that we would go away like that when he didn't want us to. The counselor thinks this could really be at the heart of his anxiety about people leaving. I never thought it could just be that, but I see now that it could be. He was just eight and it really upset him."

And you take a deep breath and pretend that you haven't offered this theory of the past to your husband dozens of times. After all, it doesn't matter who had this idea. All that matters is that your son finally understands and can name his feelings.

Hubby then says that Son needs to express his feelings to you too, and you understand because you are a good mom and you are ready to receive your son's feelings of abandonment. Those feelings are real and he needs to tell you. He will bring that sadness and vulnerability and anger over abandonment and say, "Why did you leave me?" And you will hug him and tell him that you are sorry he was so upset years ago and that you love him and will never, ever leave him. There might even be tears.

So Son comes into the bedroom and Husband summarizes the counseling session and asks Son if he would like to say anything.

Son looks you right in the eye and says, "I've been trying to tell you that for five years and you never listened to me. I really don't think it should have taken a trained professional to get you to pay attention."

And you know you are a good mom because you completely resist all the evil urges that flood your psyche. Of course just standing there breathing deeply doesn't seem to be quite the right response either.

Like I said, having a child in counseling is not as much fun as you might think.