Thursday, May 03, 2007

"When will they get us a new kid?"

On my recent trip there was a moment in which it seemed completely obvious to me that as long as Brian's anxiety is still an issue we shouldn't take on more kids. It didn't matter whether doing care had some part in creating the problem, the problem was here. Brian was having anxiety symptoms, and he needed more of my attention, not less.

And then I got back.

Aside from those four days in which Brian could not speak, he has done wonderfully since he went to half days. He has been the least anxious he has been since before he went to school. Hubby thinks that the voice thing was a not-quite-conscious attempt to get out of school altogether. In any case, he is once again that non-anxious happy boy.

Except not entirely happy. He keeps asking me things like, "When are we getting another kid?" "Are you sure the social workers are looking?" "I miss Carl, David and Evan. I need someone else around here to do stuff with me."

To that last plea I responded, "You can't count on the new kid being a play mate. He or she might not enjoy the same things. You might not get along. You might even fight."

"Maybe. But even that would be better. At least I wouldn't be bored."

Oh dear. Can I pretend that that means that he is enthusiastically committed to care? Or is it just that he would rather torment another older brother (Andrew just doesn't take the bait anymore) than entertain himself?


  1. Welcome back!
    I have almost posted this comment a few times on recent "Brian" posts, and then decided not to, because it seemed like assvice variation. you have worried about fostering's effects on Brian, I now feel compelled to comment:
    Didn't his anxiety get WORSE when there was not a foster sibling at home? So mightn't it be BETTER with placements?
    Just a thought. I'm gonna be quiet and grade some papers now!

  2. Yes Deb, it did get worse after Evan left. The house feels empty to him now.

    As long as the "assvice" is not mean-spirited I'm pretty okay with it. Often the suggestions are things that I have tried, but sometimes they are really good ideas.

  3. LOL Tell him if he's that bored he can go back to full days at school!

    I joke. But it's just not wise for a kid to admit boredom to an adult... Surely you can't be out of chores to do around the house? ;)


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