Saturday, May 05, 2007

Evan might come back

I have not let David and Carl come home when they would have wanted to because I was convinced that doing so was enabling irresponsible behavior.

If David were to come to me and say that he really wanted to finish high school and could he live here while he did so, I would say yes so quickly and so happily it would make his head spin. There are other circumstances that would make me also welcome Carl with open arms.

Evan still plans to move into the dormitory August 24. He is working full-time and making very responsible decisions.

I would not let him move in if it were a simple matter of him having trouble getting along with grandma. I would think it was important that he learn how to handle relationships.

I will say only that other relatives have moved in at Grandma's, and it is not a good situation.

So I told him he is not trapped. He has cried, vented, talked, and I tried to give him some ideas for coping in his current environment. I recommended Alanon and he laughed and asked if I thought it would really help. He ate dinner and is going back in better spirits knowing that if he needs to leave he can. That alone may reduce the anxiety he is feeling and allow him to stay. He will shortly move to working evenings which means that he would not be in the house during the hours that are most tense. That should help too.

But maybe not. We will see.

Process & Bacchus asked what this would mean for other placements. I guess it means the same thing it meant while he was still living here in the autumn. My commitments to the kids I have come before the commitments to all the other kids out in the world who might need me. Evan will move out in 3 1/2 months. If during that time the agency finds a kid they want us to meet, we will meet him or her. Any new kid can certainly move in on August 24th. Are there situations that would persuade me to do a bedroom shuffle? Probably, but who knows what will happen?

What will be will be. I'll keep you posted.

Oh...I did ask the boys and Hubby what they thought before making any offers to Evan. No one hesitated. Evan might not be the easiest person to live with, but this is his home too. If he wants to come back, he is welcomed by everyone.


  1. I just wanted to let you know I just sent you an email about your other blog:-)

  2. You wrote:

    "Evan might not be the easiest person to live with, but this is home too. If he wants to come back, he is welcomed by everyone."

    THAT is what EVERY kid who ages out of foster care deserves to have. Thank you for continuing to be there for Evan (not that I would have expected you and your family to react any differently).


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