Foster Youth Emancipation

I probably should tell her the truth. I mean, the truth is always best right?

In the car this morning...

"I can't live there anymore. My social worker says that the only place she can move me it out to [VERY Small Town] and I know for a fact that is not true. You are open. My frind H---'s foster parents have room for another girl. There is a family in The City who is still taking girls, and I could move to the shelter again."

"But you would have to move out of the shelter on your 18th birthday."

"I have to move out on my 18th birthday anyway!"

"No you don't. You can stay. If you are in this program you can stay as long as you need to finish high school."

"There is no way I am going to do that. I'll get a GED. I'll work all summer. There is no way in hell I am going to go to high school when I am 18. ..."

So I am feeling pretty sad. Here is the bright, capable girl shooting herself in the foot. She is going to turn 18 in the summer. She is a junior now and after this school year, she will have to take senior English, Government, and Economics (only 1 semester) in order to graduate. She has not been making progress on her on-line classes. She is so determined to leave.

There is a lot said about how little we do for kids emancipating from foster care. There are horrible statistics on how many of them are homeless, don't finish high school, don't go to college, can't support themselves. The picture given is invariably that of a cold-hearted system throwing good kids out on the street.

That happens and it happens far too often.

But there are a lot of Miss E's out there too. People whose ability to attach, or even get along with others who are offered more and walk away.

I want to shake her. I want to tell her she is in the best foster care in the freaking country. She has more money and support available to her for college than most kids growing up in birth families. How many young people are told by their parents, "If you work with us, we will get you through college without debt?"

But this post wasn't supposed to be about that.

It is merely about the fact that Miss E has moved from asking me if I have a kid to reporting that she knows I am open. She says it with the attitude that of course she could move in with me, if her social worker weren't being such a jerk.

And what do I do? I change the subject. I tell her about the puppy and try to get her to draw the conclusion that she would be just as miserable at my house as she is where she is. She does not hear me though.

Part of me thinks I should tell her, "Right now, you and I have a good relationship. We are friends. This is good. If you move into my house you will HATE the puppy and Brian will drive you nuts. You will complain to me about Brian like you complain to me about everyone else in your life, only I won't be able to just listen sympathetically. No one is going to be happy. It is better if you stay where you are."

But no matter how carefully I explain, she will only hear one thing, "You don't want me. Nobody does."

Next on Miss E