Saturday, January 27, 2007

Worrying about Miss E

I can't let go of thinking about Miss E.

It is one of those situations where I think I could handle it -- if it were just me and Hubby to give me breaks. Andrew could tune her out, but he wouldn't be happy.

Brian would have a hard time of it. He would have a hard time of it because Miss E would hate him. Miss E doesn't like much of anyone, and she has nearly no tolerance for other people's problems. She would think we are coddling Brian (perhaps we are). She would have no patience with him. And let's not even talk about how much she would hate the puppy. He PEES ON THE FLOOR. He thinks that any piece of paper on the floor was deliberately left there for him to rip to shreds.

No, Miss E would not be happy here.

And I would not be happy because Miss E would really not understand why I could not listen to her tell me how horrible Brian is. I can listen to her tell me that the place where I work is crap (which she does), but I don't think I could listen calmly to her telling me over and over that Brian is spoiled brat (or worse).

It would not work.

I really care about this girl, and she has it pretty good right now. She has an experienced foster mother who is good with teenage girls. She lives in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. The agency has bought her her own computer and paid for Internet service. She lives less than a mile from the place she works, and she gets a ride every morning to school from me. She has her own bedroom, and only one other foster kid in the house with whom she must deal.

But it is not perfect. The other girl annoys her. The other girl will get into her things and even steal, so she has to keep everything in her room and keep that room locked. The other girl has a problem with food, so though the refrigerator is always open and some food is always available, the pantry is kept locked, so if she doesn't remember to pack her lunch before the mother leaves, she has to buy her own food with her own money -- which she has because she works 20-30 hours a week.

I want to shake her. I know she has great pain in her life. She has good reason to be angry. Being in foster care sucks, but this is about as good as it gets. If she insists on being moved, they will eventually move her, but the chances of it being some place better are nearly nil.

My house is not better.

She likes the teen shelter, but they will kick her out on her 18th birthday.

Although she will probably walk away on her 18th. She will not be finished with high school. She will not be able to support herself. She almost certainly will not be able to go to college, and I believe her when she says that she wants to do.

But she won't achieve her goals if she won't accept that she will have to be accommodating to other people too.

I wouldn't be so aggravated if I did not care so much about her.

I need to accept that I cannot do more than I am doing and let her walk her path.

It's just so difficult though.

And I know I worry too much. But writing about it here is helpful. It helps me let go of the worry. The trick is to try to pull off having faith in her. She has to go through what she has to go through. She is one of the strongest young women I know.

Next on Miss E:
Thinking about talking to her

1 comment:

  1. It is hard not to care. It must be even tougher with someone like Miss E whom you spend time with on a regular basis.

    I feel this whenever I walk through the Tenderloin area and see young hustlers. These are kids who are maybe 16-18. I hate the idea of the circumstances that must bring them here. I know that I can't take them in but it still eats at me knowing they are out there.


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