Reflecting on being vigilant

Process wonders where the If my life were a novel post comes from. The short answer is too d*mn much time to think. Why should I care about whether they send me more kids? I'm not in this because I want to be a parent. I am a parent. I've had as many kids as I want. I have a good and full life, why do I feel anxious about when they will call? Why don't I just move on with my life? Why do I feel I should be "watching" and just a little lost that no one seems to need me in that way?

So I have too much time to think too much about why I do this, to wonder if it is some sort of psychotic level of co-dependence and to decide that it doesn't really matter how I got this way...I am this way and it is a good way to live.

So send me another kid already.