Thursday, December 14, 2006

Letting Go, Letting G-d

Cindy had to take a yong adult to a homeless shelter.

FosterAbba has written something kind and supportive...I left Cindy a comment. I wanted to write more, but the truth is I get caught up in my own memories.

Carl coming to my office homeless. I give him my lunch, have him call his social woker. For a week he lives out of a friend's car. The circumstances were so different from Cindy's. Carl was not dangerous to us. I could have let him come home and we would have been safe. He just needed to deal with the consequences of his actions. He needed that experience so that he could learn responsibility.

Still, it was hard.

As a mother I want to do so much for them. My Alanon sponsor would say, "You're his mom, not his higher power."

And what does he mean by that? He means that I cannot heal my children. I cannot make them heal themselves.

As a mother I can do so much and yet at the same time so little.

I confess I want to be God to them. I want my love to the force that makes them trust and be strong. I want my example to the thing that inspires them to responsibility. I want to love them and make all the hurt go away.

But I can't. I am powerless. I cannot heal them.

I can love them.

And sometimes loving them means letting go, and that hurts.

1 comment:

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