Thinking about the next kid and the blog

Monday evening we had dinner out with Evan's social worker. It was very nice.

I did ask her about the possibility of another kid. She is on the in-take committee so she will let us know and said she is definitely putting feelers out.

I told her that it really was important to us to get someone a younger than Andrew, that we would like to go as young as possible, and so we want to clarify our "profile." We told her that we want to be a resource for kids who need to a safe place while they figure out their sexuality or for who have gender non-compliant behavior that other families are having trouble dealing with.

Evan thinks that that is a mistake. He thinks we are "too intense" for anyone who is not out. He talked about our involvement in PFLAG for instance.

Brian asked if she could find us someone between the ages of 8 and 10. She told him that they rarely take kids that young these days. Most of them are at least 14 and the average is 16. Brian thinks we should just adopt a 9 year old.

But I like working with my agency. I am afraid to "go it alone." I want the services and support they provide to the kids.

Evan, by the by, scared the heebee geebees out of me by telling the social worker that I had put a photograph of him in the scarf I made him up on my blog. You know -- the blog that no one in my ordinary life, especially the social workers, knows exists? I went off line for a little while to review posts and look for ways to be more confidential. I kept thinking, "But the boys are all 18. I have their permission."

I finally told Evan what I was worried about and he kept saying, "She won't look. I barely mentioned it. Besides, she won't want to get you in trouble. She won't take away you main source of support."

I hope he is right. I think I am in ethically safe waters, but agencies can have their own very strict legalistic standards. I mean, I just found out that HQ won't release a photo of Carl and his mother to me without Carl's written consent. So much for my surprise Christmas present for him. (He lost his nice enlarged framed photo and I was going to replace it.) The agency's rules about confidentiality do not always make sense and they are uncompromising about following them. I can imagine the social worker seeing the blog and deciding not to mention it, but I can't imagine HQ being reasonable about anything.

So I went off-line to think and panic. I considered starting another blog that contains only general thoughts about foster care and no stories that include the kids, and I still might do that. (Once I have a foster kid in the house that is under 18 that will pretty much happen anyway).

Anyway, I worry too much and I hope this is one of those cases.