Brian wants a LITTLE brother
Brian has wanted us to adopt a younger brother for him for years. Now that we are available he is having trouble understanding why we don't.
For most families, of course, a child asking for a younger sibling is not taken seriously. For us, it is a question that deserves an answer.
The reasons, from my perspective, for doing it would be two.
1. It would be good for Brian not to be the baby. He has been cast in the roll of annoying little brother for a long time. He is too good at it. It would be good for him to loose that spot.
2. I know from the research that fostering children generally do better with kids who are younger than they are.
Though I do think Brian would be a good older brother, that is not a good reason for doing it. It is not a good idea to get one child with the expectations of satisfying the needs of another. It is not a good idea for many reasons, one of which is that the child is unlikely to actually satisfy those needs.
We talked about how we would probably have to take kids who were not legally free and who would go back to parents or other places and how difficult that would be.
He wanted to know why we couldn't go straight to adoption. I know that it is possible. I also knw how difficult it is, all the hoops I would have to jump through. The truth is, if I really wanted to adopt an under-12-year-old boy, I could do it.
But I don't want to, and neither does Hubby. We LIKE our agency. Though not perfect, they are pretty d*mn good, arguably the best in the country. This particular division is not working with younger children very much any more. Though it would be possible that a younger chidld would be refered, most of the kids who are are at least 14. They are, after all, kids for whom adoption has been ruled out. We also continue to do this because we are committed to supporting the queer kids. We know what they face in the red states, and we are here for them.
I did tell Brian that he should get the opportunity to be the older brother before he moved out.
"Danielle" wants a sister, too. We are reluctant to take another child at the moment because we are exhausted just dealing with one.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how people with mega-sized families manage.
Right now, too, "Danielle" is being really challenging, and I know I wouldn't have the energy for two right now. A lot of the time I feel like I am nibbled to death by minnows.